I had to laugh when I read your post. I rarely post messages, I usually just read and enjoy all the wonderful advice I glean from other pw's. But your post hit close to home. I am currently in the throes of planning my daughter's wedding also. We are down to 83 days! My situation isn't exactly the same but hopefully I can encourage you a bit.

First thing I have noticed. There will be many people who will come and offer their assistance without you having to ask. You will be surprised by this. Say YES to all of them. Then be very specific about where you need the help. Ask them what they would prefer to do. They will tell you. Make a list of the people who volunteer and what they want to do. Don't try to remember it all in your head! Then as you come to the time to do specific things, call on them to help you.

Now some things to think about. Someone blessed our family by offering to completely pay for the entire reception. They wanted us to be able to enjoy our daughter's wedding so they are paying for a hall and catered buffet dinner for up to 300 people. I don't think I need to say what a HUGE blessing this is for us! We would never be able to afford such a thing on our own. To stay within this budget, we needed to make some decisions about who to invite. First decision, an adult only reception. Second, what to do about the church. We got this idea from the pastors at another church in our area that is much bigger than ours. We are going to put an invitation in our bulletin to the entire church to come to the wedding ceremony. Then explain that due to the financial budget, although we would love to invite everyone (and we really would!) to the reception, we are unable to do this. So we would love to see everyone come to the ceremony but the reception is by invitation only. (We will send out regular invitations to those invited to the reception.) At a later date we will have a cake and punch reception for the whole church after a Sunday service.

By doing this, I have to be careful who I accept help from. Obviously, if they aren't invited to the reception, I can't have them helping. So if someone offers to help, I either need to be willing to add them to the reception list, if they aren't already on it or politely thank them for their offer and not follow up on it. Also, when it comes to a bridal shower, the ladies that are doing the shower know what we are going to do and will not invite anyone to the shower that is not invited to the reception.

I really do think you will be surprised by how many people will offer to help unasked!

Also, as far as where people will stay. I don't really know if it is your responsibility to pay for motels for all those people. Most of our out of town relatives have asked for hotels in the area so they can make their reservations. I am going to send out a list of them to all the out of town guests, along with maps to our city, the church and reception site. If this wouldn't work for your situation, then by all means, as people volunteer to help, ask them about keeping some people in their homes. You won't know until you ask!

Finally .... Enjoy this time with your daughter! We have had such a good time. I made the decision not to get upset if she didn't want to do things MY way. When she asks my opinion I give it to her, but I don't throw a tantrum when she wants to do it differently. My daughter's wedding will have some very traditional elements to it but some things she is doing are going to be very unique. I am really excited about them, but I have had to give in on some traditional things. I really don't think it matters much about what "ettiquette" says as long as what is planned is not tacky! It is going to be a very personalized ceremony and reception.

Hope my ramblings helped you in some way! And Congratulations!

Karen