Right now I am so angry!!! It relates to the church, but it doesn't have anything to do w/ our church people per se. In fact, it has to do w/ family. My uncle. My dad's youngest brother. He is a jerk. An absolute, positively big jerk.
We were at my grandmother's house a little while ago. (G'pa has a form of Alzheimer's.) We were sitting down eating dinner when my uncle walks in. Now, please know that he does very little to help my grandparents (his parents) even though he lives right by them. He is a pastor (a poor one in my opinion, because he is such a poor person & I don't mean financially) & works full time. He has 2 kids. A 16 yr old & an 11 year old. His wife has a home daycare.
Anyway, we finished dinner. My uncle says little to my grandparents & then asks to speak to dh outside. He then begins to tell dh his faults. Dh needs to get a job. After all, he & his wife both work so dh should work. I think he implied that I should work as well (I've got 3 kids -- 8, 3, & 11 months. Who can afford day care?) Uncle somehow "heard" that there are churches in our section that were supporting us on a monthly basis so that dh does not have to work. My uncle thought this was wrong & that we should turn down the money. If we were missionaries, that would be one thing. But we are not missionaries. (Of course, our presbyter sees us as home missionaries.) My uncle apparently does a great job as pastor & time management. He works 60 hours a week & then comes home & studies the Bible. Dh should do this too. (Is this all that a pastor does? Study the Word & preach 3 times a week? Maybe this is all he does.)
Anyway, dh kept his cool. (I knew something was wrong immediately for my uncle hardly talks to anyone in the family.) But he is not happy at all. In fact, he is furious. He is ready to have words w/ my uncle again next time we see him. This also really upset my grandmother.
We haven't complained to him or anyone about our finances. To be honest, we are hurting financially. But God has proven to be faithful, time & time again. We don't feel that I need to be working -- for our kids sake. And dh is lousy as a full time pastor, full time worker, & husband/father. He can't do it all. He can hardly be a full time pastor & find time for his family. When we first started at the church, it was the Presbyter's idea to have churches support us. We didn't ask for anything. But the pastors in our section have faith in us & are putting their faith into action. Great things are happening at church.
We're trying to figure out where all this came from. My dad & uncles can hardly stand their brother. Why? I'm sure you can figure this one out. My uncle has his own issues. I think he is jealous. He's jealous of my dh. He's jealous of the great things that are happening at our church. He's jealous of the support we're getting. (No. He's not in our section.)
Dh & I believe that our C.A. (church antagonist) talked w/ my uncle. We can't prove it. But we both have a gut feeling this is where it is coming from. This is what C.A. does so well.
So, please pray. I don't want my grandmother to hurt any more than she already does. I don't want dh to hurt. We know that we know that we are in God's will. I haven't prayed for C.A. to leave until now. (Who said that if we pray for someone to leave, then we are just praying that another pastor take over our problems?) But now, I 'm praying for C.A. to go to my uncle's church!!!
Actually, I can't take much more from C.A. He & his wife are not doing anything to our face. They haven't for the most part, except she complains (we need new markers in our Sunday School class, we did not have tithe envelopes on our row.) Its still all this behind the scenes stuff. He called our Presbyter last week stating that dh gave unsound counsel to a lady in our congregation. Dh asked this lady what had happened? Dh helped her husband get into teen challenge (due to major crack usage)& dh understood that her husband could not have phone calls for the first 2 weeks. Dh told the wife this. Turned out, her husband could talk on the phone to her. Wow! What bad counsel! Dh & I, especially me, had a really good relationship w/ this lady. I feel that they have turned her against us. This just really ticks me off. For she is a baby Christian who really needs our support right now.
I'm sorry. I've done really good about being positive. But tonight, I'm having a hard time.
Thanks for listening & praying. Hopefully, I didn't sound too ugly or too ungodly.
One word: No!! Your presbyter is your authority and if he suggested that the churches support you, and they're agreeable to it, then it's a done deal! As far as I'm concerned, home missions is missions. Period. Especially if your presbyter says it is!
Having dealt up to my eyeballs with a CA who is grasping at straws to try to find bad things to say about the pastoral staff - this week DH and I are her whipping boys, but it could be either the SP or YP next week, and so on - I totally understand your frustration.
Keeping you in my prayers - we WILL get through this, and we will "live to proclaim the goodness of the Lord." If you were here in MN, I'd call you up and meet you at Panera or Caribou right now, because it sounds like we've both had a very "vent-worthy" week, and could use a floofy coffee (or cocoa, if you prefer!) drink with someone who understands...
But raise an invisible mug to your lips, breathe in the fresh roasted grounds, and know that someone is on the other side of the country empathizing and praying with you!!
Please do not listen to your uncle! This is jealousy plain and simple. Your presbyter has been used by God to help you in planting this church. By all means, stay on the path you are on.
ministry is very difficult as it is...there are times when pastors have to work outside of pastoring their church, but if given the opportunity as you have, you should definitely accept and not feel guilty about it. I believe that whether you pastor a small church or a large church, pastoring is a full time position. unfortunately sometimes, when growing a church, financially, they can't afford to take care of their pastor and his family's needs. But in this case where you have the support of fellow pastors, thank God for them, this is how it should be.
God bless you, Tracy -praying for you and your family
I will echo what everyone else has been saying, DO NOT listen to your uncle! He obviously has no idea what church planting requires and how big a vision you all have. There are probably several other issues he has as well.
I know first hand how hard it is to do what he is suggesting you and your husband do- and it is EXTREMELY difficult in regular life- without the church planting involved- add that and it is beyond words! God has blessed you with partners who believe in your minsitry- they KNOW that what they help make happen for you, God will make happen for them! Don't rob them of a blessing- use it to your full advantage so you can both concentrate on the work God has called you to!
Amen! Trace, don't let Satan use your uncle to talk you out of your blessing. He is just mad that it is you and not him that God is blessing in this way.
As far as your CA. Don't let them get the best of you. Keep praying and being faithful and come and vent anytime.
Thank you all so much for allowing me to vent. I feel better today. Dh feels better today.
We had Friday Fun Day at church. We just "have fun" from 9:00 am to 1:00 pm & serve the kids lunch. I'm a little worn out. We're getting more kids & workers are fading. But it is awesome to see the change in kids.
Once again, thank you. You all will never know how much of a blessing you are to me.
We also have people who "wonder" and "question" us about dh being full-time and not bi-vocational. He left a high profile paying job with IBM to become pastor. But - we've been blessed and know how to cut corners. We're not living off IBM days anymore either - but that's ok - God is providing and amazing us every month. He does get aggravated wtih people assuming he ony works Sunday morning and Wednesday night. but we all knkow it's not all putting together a sermon. He does spend lots of time doing this - but there is tons of other stuff too. Lots of late night things like last ngiht. A church member called at 11:00 to get scripture ideas for his graddad's funeral today. things like that takes time. Now I'm getting it too in another degree because I did go back to work as a teacher. I've heard several time - "oh - you don't have to work in the summer - must be nice!" No- I"m not in the classroom but I am going over lessons and analyzing novels for us to read this year, etc. I am taking a class myself for 3 weeks too. Anyway- don't listen to the murmers and complainers. Sounds like he has other issues. And -- NO do not turn down the money!!
That is so funny, because I have people who wonder why I AM bivocational for the time being...
I want to say, "Well, duh...when you go to a church with a membership roll of 22 and a Sunday morning attendance of 60-70, it's not like they can pay their staff a ton of $$, and they still have to eat and have shelter, and all that good stuff..."
And I know what you mean about the assumptions about teachers - my mom is a teacher and she has people being all snarky about how she "gets summers off." This is actually the first summer she's truly had "off" since college...and that's because she's resigned her current position and is getting ready to move out of state in a month!!
To paraphrase from an old episode of Cheers: "People...ya can't live with 'em...pass the beer nuts." Of course I'm kidding, but yeah. It's unbelievable what they come up with!!
I know I am wrestling with having a business I need to get up and going again becuase I am obligated to this machine for a bunch of more payments. And yet there is plenty to do full time even for a fledgling congregation and two small girls (home and all). So the whole to be bivocational or not is a big issue even for the pw. I have encouraged dh to not take a job (we too have support during our plant) and I told him he can either put 40 hours in at a job and make some money or put 40 hours into getting new people in church and stuff and get more $ that way. (We are on a percentage once the church gets stabilized financially). Why do minsiters have to get the impression they are supposed to be financially inferior to the other church goers? It aint right. And our kids have the right to be blessed with God without feeling guilt. People just dont think is what it is!
