Ok. I have a predicament in my mind. IN our previous church our pw name was never on literature as such" DUde and dudette soand so , Senior PAstors" . Though she is so busy in the church/ She doesnt keep office hours 9-5 but she works with the youth and music departments. She visits some. Plus all the duties of three high schoolers! Who all paly several sprts. SO she was busy and I admire her tremendously.
Yet the old pentecostals didnt give theri wives titles like that. Nor recognition.
So I am having trouble putting my name on our new literature for our new church. I am liking it. We are small enough (25-30) that my husband and I are going to be able to grow into this. He is visitng at this moment trying to secure 3 new families for church Sunday. I am working on VBS stuff with the current Sunday school teacher and revamping visitor cards and such. I have not stepped foot into the office yet. I will be taking over P&W next Sunday too. So why do I feel guilty wanting to get recognition for my contribution? Is that wrong to want to finally see my name on something? Or should I find another way to say who I am or what my role is? I dont know that I want ot put first lady on brochures but how else can you say it?
How do I get over feeling guilty? Is there a quota of how involved I have to be before I have the right to see my name too?
Isnt it funny to see how mine and dh ministry has evolved since my first post? Who wouldve thought...me a pastors wife?! haha
Sorry I have been so scarce these last few weeks. I was getting ready for vacation and now I'm on vacation......so I'm checking my mail from the road.
Okay...here's my humble opinion...I think your name DEFINITELY needs to be on the literature...all of it. The only thing that ever frosts my flakes is when pw's names are all over the literature or they claim to be a pastor and they hardly step foot in the place...stay home for any excuse...go away on the weekends, etc. etc. etc. You know the types. Your former pw was NOT one of those ladies. Neither are you. I don't like it when non-involved people put their names all over stuff because I think it cheapens it for those of us who are involved. Having your name on something should mean something. And for you -- IT DOES!
I am a big believer in the power of the printed word. I believe what people read will impact them. From the very beginning, Larry and I have always linked our names together, on EVERYTHING. We don't sign a card without us both. We don't have a bulletin, a newsletter, NOTHING without both of our names linked together. This makes a powerful statement that you are partners. It is not all about "office time." It's about being a partner with involvement in whatever way works for you. There were times I was not in the office as much, but I worked on church things a lot from home. I was always making calls, doing paperwork, and going with my dh on things like visitation when possible. We always led things in the church together as far as services go...and we have always counseled together. When the children were younger we had to be more creative to make a way to do it. It's not about "are you there from 9-5 in the office." It's not about an "office" it's about ministry. You do not need an "office" to do your ministry, in fact one church we pastored did not even have an office space for me. That didn't matter...it wasn't the physical office that was important to us, it was my level of involvement in some way. When they kids were babies, I almost exclusively worked from home although I did occasionally come in to the office and usually they came with me.
Please, please, please immediately dismiss this "guilt" you feel about putting your name on that literature. Pick up the mantle. It's yours if you want it. You are married to that man, you are his partner in marriage, and you can be his partner in the ministry if you want to. God has given you this honor, so take it. Yes, you are a pastor's wife and you are going to be an excellent one. Do not shrink back for one second from this calling the Lord has placed upon your life. You are not putting your name on that literature for "recognition" in the sense that you speak of, but recognition of the PARTNERSHIP that you and Barak share, and the CALLING that is upon your life. YOU SHOULD BE INCLUDED.
Now, if any bird brain would say something about your name on the literature, you simply very calmly state, "oh, we're full partners - therefore, our names are always linked together in marriage and in ministry..." Pretty soon you won't be asked any more about it, it will just be a given.
WARNING: Sometimes other people print things for the church and they will leave your name off. IMHO, you should not be the one to address it. Have Barak do it. Usually when people do this to us, (and sometimes it still happens...) Larry will just mention to the person, "Hey, could you reprint that and add my wife's name with mine, please?" He just very non-chalontly says it and people do it right away. We have never found anyone upset when he has done that...they usually say something like, "oops, I should have thoughtof that, Pastor...sorry."
You're going to do just fine, Cassandra. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride! You're going to do great. I believe in you.
Thank you so much for that clarification. I've been waiting on your reply. And I guess I've been worried about what people would think. SO I love the idea of having Barak address any discrepensies so I dont look power or title hungry. And I see what you mean about its not the 9-5. I see so many other ministries where the associate pastors and their wives are listed and I never was so I need to get over it and put that behind me. I am trying to overcome this feeling like I have to prove to our former pastor that I am Baraks partner. ANd I admit that I have pulled back my visible support as far as praying in the altars with people and such. I did things for him from home but I just felt so excluded from the leadership team and secluded myself. Internally. Does that make sense? I distanced myself emotionally because I was feeling so rejected. But dh says he sees the differnece in me in just the past few weeks. He says the grace that has come upon us for this new season is visible and I thnak the Lord for it. I am trying to study love and deepen my love walk and I am going to have to work my business too becuase I DO still have that payment. And will be offering a special soon or staff shirts for churches.
But back to my point. I just appreciate the encouragement. I want to be so majorly helpful to my husband and see him succeed and I am excited about having room to grow into my teaching call and other just natural talents and strengths that my husband need from me.
I am so delighted. Thanks you for your advice. Now if I can lose some weight before publicity picture time. haha (I 'm actually half way serious about that)
Cassandra - I think your name should also be on all publications because you are a team with your husband. It shows you are in this thing together. My picture, not my favorite mind you, is on all of our church literature too. I think it's time for a new one though - ha. I have had a hard if not impossible time getting my children/nursery workers to wear these special name tags I came up - based on what school teachers wear. They don't like "title" - but a a visitor - it would make me feel comfortable when a stranger tells me about nursery - and they have an official badge on- it lends to credibility. Anyway- don't feel guilty stay firm in who you are.
I relate with you so totally on how you describe pulling back because of rejection. I did that once too, in a situation that I now wish I wouldn't have, but...I LEARNED FROM IT! I am not sorry because it taught me a lot.
When we go through that sort of rejection we just decide, alright I'll take my bat and ball and go play another game. (I don't go home, I just play on another field! ha! ha!)
But you are in a new situation with your own church now and there is no reason to do that. Step up to the plate. You have ever reason to be there. Take a swing.
