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Post Info TOPIC: Struggling to forgive!!


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Struggling to forgive!!


HELP!!  My husband & I have been married for 25 1/2 yr. Just one year ago I found out that my husband was addicted to pornography. It was very devastating. My heart was shattered. I had no clue. Call me naive or whatever BUT I really did not. I had noticed that he was "looking/checking out" other women esp. young/thin. And this did bother me. Well, long story short, the Lord uncovered the "dark" secret. He repented & eventually went to our spiritual father & opened up. Thankfully he has received much help. BUT me on the other hand, I still hurt. My husband has been a pastor for seven years. I really thought that I had been doing better. Last night our youngest daughter (14) had a choir recital. And in her group or rather the high school age group there were some young girls in there that I found myself thinking, "Hmmm,I wonder which one Mark would find attractive?"  Terrible, I know. I put the thoughts aside & then on the drive home Mark proceeds to tell me that the enemy will sometimes remind him of this particular time that he was dating this girl out of high school & she evidently had feelings for him (and he for her) & he broke the relationship & she was really crushed. And for this he @ times felt bad. (Well, I must confess, I am thinking WHO really cares this was almost 30 yrs. ago. I did not make this comment to him. But I did ask if the enemy ever reminded him of how much he had hurt me. His reply was. No, he doesn't have to he has you to do that!!  This was very painful ALL over again.  I do not want Mark to hurt anymore, really I do not. I was just curious. Because he has never mentioned that it still bothered him about my feelings at all. And in my mind this hurt was a whole lot worse than a girlfriend/boyfriend thing almost 30 years ago. HELP!!!  I need someone who can relate & give me godly advise. I have no one that I can go to. Our church knows nothing. I so want to get past this. Any help will me greatly appreciated!!  Elaine  :>)

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