Hi, All: Where to start.... First, let me say that I was so excited to see a Flylady link on this site. I found Flylady a couple of years ago & this site, well a week ago. Flylady's philosophy is that there are those, like myself, who are perfectionists. This perfectionism rules their life & can lead to a chaotic home. If someone can't clean their home perfectly, then they tend to not do it at all. She nails me to a tee. And to find Flylady as a link here....
I'm sorry if I'm rambling, but I'm going to try to make sense. I grew up as a pk. My father is an A/G minister. I'm used to all of the "pk" jokes -- pk's being the worst out there. Me? I was the "good girl." I was saved at an early age and basically followed all the house rules. Though I went to an A/G college, I didn't have any real plans to be in the ministry full time. (My degree is in psychology.) I met my husband there who was interested in youth ministry... ok, not bad. After several years as children's/youth ministers, God began to "expand" our calling to, yes, senior pastoring. YIkes & Double Yikes!
So, we have been pastoring now for about 3 years. We left our first church approximately 18 months ago. To be honest, we were hurt terribly & I didn't care if we ever ministered again. But God had different plans, and we have been pastoring our church for about 9 1/2 months. God is doing some miraculous things. It is truly awesome to see His hand at work.
So how does all of this tie together? My mom is an awesome woman. She raised 3 kids, worked full time, was a great pastor's wife, kept a wonderful home. And I see other pastor's wives out there, who have it all together, perfect house, perfect hair & makeup, say the perfect things ...
But that's not me & I so want it to be. I'm trying to "do it all" and I can't. W/ the three kids, my house is never in great shape. I see the awesome things that God is doing, yet I'm jealous of the time my dh puts in @ the church. (Today is supposed to be "family day" but he is spreading sod at the church.) Growing up, our family plans always changed because of some crisis in the church, and I always resented it. Now, I'm facing the same thing. I'm active in the church, kids church & wm's, pluse everything else that goes along w/ pw'ing.
I guess my question is ... Are there other ladies out there in my situation, struggling to get everything done w/ grace & a smile? or if you are like my mom, the perfect pw? If so, can you please give me some advice?
My personal answer to it (realize, you will get vastly different answers on this from everybody!) is....
I do struggle, but at the same time I am trying to be your mother! I realize a lot of PW's say, "hang it up. Just let it all go." I am just not content to do that. I have always been a person who strives for more. I am not content to just give up because the dishes pile up each day and the bathrooms get dirty again.
There's an old saying..."a woman's work is never done." Truly it's not. I never feel "caught up" on everything because each and every day it all comes around again. But I've made a decision to continue to pursue excellence in the home, in the church, my personal life, etc. I think balance is THE MOST difficult thing. Some days I really feel like I have my home in order. On those days I usually feel the church is out of order! Some days I feel like, "Wow, the church is going smooth as silk." And on those days I usually feel like I'm coming home to a mess! It's a constant juggling act, if that is what you are wondering. But I love both (my home & the church) too much to quit either one, or just let my dreams of having both die.
So, constantly find myself having to search out sources like Flylady, and also other pw's who can say, "here's something I've found that helps..." Even just little things make a big difference. Last year somebody told me they keep Clorox wipes and Windex wipes on hand in their kitchen and each bathroom and are always tidying up with them. Just that little tip has saved me a lot of time. I get them in bulk at Sam's. That sounds like a small thing but it really helps is just maintaining things.
It has gotten even harder on me since I've taken on more speaking engagements outside the church. Usually these are on Fri/Sat when I normally clean my home. Well, I've had to learn to separate the major jobs and do them on weeknights when that occurs. I do enlist the help of the whole family. I believe all involved pastoring partners must do so, in order to be effective or not be driven to a nervous breakdown! I don't overly work the kids but at the same time they all have responsibilities. I have to give credit also to dh who helps a lot.
I believe you also have to separate the issues of your husband and what happened when you grew up. While you need to take care to have a regular day off and stuff like that, realize that the ministry has a lot of give and take. There are times the priority is to be with your family, and times the priority is church. I believe a healthy number of hours to put in per week is between 50-60. More than that is too much. If your dh was working another job he would be away from you at least 40 hours a week, definitely 50-60 if he was an executive or some other professional type position. So you have to automatically assume he will be away from you during those hours, unless as in my case -- you work with him during those hours. If he is working more than that, something needs to gently be said to him about it -- approach the subject or get counseling if need be. If he is working more than those hours, there needs to be a change. If he is working a reasonable amount of hours but you are just having a hard time handling it, it is you who needs to pray about change. Perhaps take time to log for a week, the amount of hours he is truly working. Get a realistic picture of it and then make changes as needed.
Sometimes dh and I have to do something for church on our day off - an emergency or a special event dictates it. However when that happens, we take another day off that week. We plan ahead for it.
I do not believe any of us will achieve the distinction of the "perfect pastor's wife"...even those who appear perfect are not. However I don't think there's anything wrong with striving to be our best and continuing to try even when we fall short, which we often will because we are human!
Keep plugging along! It's worth it! You can make it!
I felt so much better just getting things off my chest. After I put my frustrations in writing, the Holy Spirit really spoke to me and gave me new insight. God really is amazing.
Now that you mention it, things usually are going smooth at home or at church. Occasionally, a day or two, a week perhaps, things are smooth at both places. The occasions where both are troubled are rare -- and I need to be much more thankful about that.
I realize a lot of PW's say, "hang it up. Just let it all go." I am just not content to do that. I have always been a person who strives for more. I am not content to just give up because the dishes pile up each day and the bathrooms get dirty again. 
