Ralinda,

I have been where you're at and will be working on this FOR LIFE.  (It's a myth that it gets easier, or that God just "helps some people more" or that they are extraordinarily blessed to be able to just stop.)  Believe me, it doesn't happen by a zap at the altar.  A few friends of mine seemed almost depressed that I've lost weight wondering why God didn't allow it to happen for them.  I say -- God doesn't love me more than you.  Believe me, this is hard every day of my life, even with the help that God gives me. 

It doesn't matter how many times you've failed before - you can start again and do this.  BTW, I'm 5'4 too!  (Something else we have in common.)

I would HIGHLY recommend weight watchers.  It's safe, completely healthy, economical (you eat all your own food from the beginning -- you truly learn how to LIVE.)  It's absolutely wonderful.  The instructors are fantastic.  The meetings are not all about food and calories.  They are about how you got this way and what it will take to change your mindset.  Very motivational.  And it only takes 30 minutes.  They keep the meetings strictly to 30 min.  Once I lost some weight I also began to work out because I wanted to not only lose weight I wanted to tone up.  Although I'm not crazy about taking the actual time to work out like some people do, I do love what it does for me.  It makes a major difference in everything - the way I look, feel, the way my clothes fit, etc.  Just like you I have had several children and I never ever thought this would be possible but I'm telling you I would not be surprised if I don't look better after I have come through this than when I started, the way my body is toning up.  I still have a ways to go...but I've lost 30 lbs. so far. 

One of the keys is, if you know you struggle with this, you have to keep going to meetings, long term.  Once I become a lifetime member of WW (you go for free when you are Lifetime), I will go at least once a month, but knowing me I will have to go once a week, just to maintain.  It's one of my "weaknesses" and I know I will have to keep accountability throughout my life to keep on track.  What's 30 minutes out of my week to ensure that I do that?  IT'S WORTH IT. 

I have had a few failures even on the program but the thing is, you can't stop going.  Two women in my church who have lost a lot of weight told me that.  They went even when they blew it really bad.  They just kept going through the storm.  And they eventually kept losing. 

The thing to this Ralinda is, there is no big secret...you just have to do exactly what you are doing -- confess you have a problem.  Walk into a WW meeting or a similar program that has the same principles...put yourself into accountability over this, and start climbing.  We are all in this thing together.  Nobody is more special or blessed than another...we are all fellow strugglers.  You can, you can, you can see this happen in your life!  (Believe me, if I can do it, ANYBODY CAN.) 

I'll be back to tell you more on this later but for now, I have to run to a meeting...

Love you and I'm with you!!!!

Deanna

I have not lost any either. I have been gaining more. ANd it has a great deal with the fact I have not exercised regularly in almost a year. That is why I have gained ten pounds slowly over  the last several months. But I am at the weight I was when I was full blown pregnant. I have never been in this size clothes before. I also know what it is like to make excuses for yourself and not face your behaviors. There is a balance to strike between acknowledging and accepting your wrong behaviors and loathing yourself for them. That is hard. ANd women in ministry in the public eye feel alot of pressure to "practice what I preach" I know I do anyway. If I say God will help you overcome anything and I am 500lbs. Then apparently there is a gap in my theology there. But anyway. I have found very balanced motivationg help at Marty Copeland's website Higher fitness. You go to www.kcm.org and go the study center and click on weight loss and fitness. It will take you to her site. There are tv programs she's done articles. all good stuff. Also a chapter in Beth Moores book "praying God's Word" is so freeing. If youd like I will email it to you as a pdf. Let me know your address. It is a hard battle. But I have just come to terms there is going to be no easy way to do this. My flesh is going to suffer. ANd God makes us go through some battles that require every ounce of spiritual strength we have because He wants our all. It isnt a vain battle. It isnt about size becuase we will all be different sizes and there are no right sizes to God. It is about what or who is Lord? And when we let our wieght or food have such a hold on us it is an idol. And we must overthrow that thing. Apart from him we can do nothing. But we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Get God involved. Go to this website and get motivated! lEt me know if youd like that email article.

Cassandra

By the way, you can do weight watchers cheaper than $11 a month. I never pay that.  I buy the season pass.  I have done it twice now.  (I don't ever pay weekly.)  I have done a pass twice, and I will probably need to do one more before losing all I want to lose.  After that I plan on being a lifetime member and in that case, you go for free for life as long as you do not go 2 lbs. over your goal weight.  In that case, you just pay weekly until you get back down.  Then it's free again.  I think this last time I paid for 16 weeks in advance, and it's a lot cheaper. 

Curves is great although I don't belong to it I have a lot of friends who do.  Fortunately there is a gym in my development where I can go to for free!!!  It is just a simple place, nothing fancy, just a few treadmills, eliptical (can't spell it) but you know what I mean...machines...and bikes, and then a bunch of weight machines.  I do all the weight machines as well as the treadmills and eliptical ones.  They are great.  I go there at least 2 times a week, then the rest of the days of the week I do Leslie Sansone's "Walk off the Pounds."  THEY ARE FANTASTIC!!!!  My favorites are the 1 mile power mile (only takes 15 min), then the walk/kick kickboxing workout (only 30 min) and then I do several others but those are my two favorites.  I find I can always fit the 15 minute power mile in, even if I do it right before bed.  Even though I'm tired, it's so worth it.  What's 15 minutes?  It takes that much time to put my nightgown on, wash my face and do my teeth.  Hello!  I found, 15 minutes is not too much to ask, but I have to force myself.  I don't think I'll ever "love" exercise, but I love what it does for me. 

The important thing is, find a totally healthy thing and keep doing it no matter what.  I have been reading a book by James Kibbe or something like that (I have to look up his name) anyway, he wrote it for WW, but he is not a WW guy, he is a cardiologist.  He wrote a book on healthy weight loss.  He says you should not do ANYTHING not endorsed by the American heart association or Diabetes Assoc.  For instance, they do not endorse anything that:  cuts out any one major food group, replaces food with something else (shakes, bars, etc.), or focuses on one food to the extreme, etc.  They also don't endorse any program that sells packaged meals.  The reason the American Heart Assoc doesn't endorse that is because they say you cannot do packaged meals for a lifetime - you do them only while on a program.  So what happens is, you go off the program and balloon right back up. 

Anyway, those are just some thoughts...I am not a WW fanatic as far as believing that's the only thing out there, there are other good programs but I think what the American Heart Association makes sense.

Good thoughts, girls!

Love you,

me

YOU CAN DO IT, RALINDA!

I want to tell you one of the most powerful things my WW teacher, Ginger, tells us.  She says, "Change the mind and the body will follow." 

When you begin to change your way of thinking, and act on it, your body changes.  I now have changed my mind about what to eat because of the way I feel.  I feel so much better.  I know I am putting good things into the body God gave me.  I am not abusing myself.  I am being good to myself.  I have changed the way I think about what I put into "me".

It's really all about health.  Make decisions for good health and your body WILL change.  Don't worry about how long it takes.  You have made this decision for a lifetime.  You didn't get overweight overnight and you won't get healthy overnight, but today you have made your first step.

Don't quit, no matter how long it takes!

That's so true, Cassandra.  We don't get anywhere by beating ourselves up, except even bigger!  The smallest change in the right direction is a wonderful change.  Sometimes all I can eek out is my 15 minute power mile with my leslie sansone tape.  That is better than nothing. 

There is a lady in my church who is within about 5 pounds of her goal weight and she's been doing WW for YEARS.  It has been a lot ofups and downs over these few years, but the main thing this time is that she is absolutely not giving up, even if it takes years.  For many years, she would quit everytime she thought things weren't moving fast enough or when she had a momentary relapse.  Finally she figured out that if she just would have stayed with it...she might have finally reached her goal.  This time she determined to never quit no matter how many setbacks, or how long she stayed on a plateau.  I think she has been on WW about 2 years now.  Those last 5 lbs are taking forever.  I think she's lost about 50 or so, and it's taken all this time but she is so happy.  She just kept telling me, "never quit."  Even on weeks I have gained a little bit, or didn't lose, I just refused to give up.  Or, be depressed and beat myself up.  Condemnation never gets us anywhere. 

A Christian book that has really helped me is, "Feeding Your Appetites" by Stephen Arterburn.  It is really, really good.  And he talks about, until you conquer these spiritual issues you will not breakthrough with eating...i have gotten a lot out of this coupled with WW (and exercise). 

Okay, I want to share something with you as a personal testimony that I hope will help Ralinda or whoever might relate to this...I'm just being brutally honest here.

I will warn you all (if you haven't already figured it out)...when you start eating right then you will have to figure out where to put your "stuff."  What I mean by this is, in the ministry we really have very few places we can safely go with what's bothering us.  We live such a private life with the issues that bother us at home and at church.  We can only share those with other PW's such as on this board, or with our women friends outside the church.  As you all know...still sometimes you feel very alone.  Even our husbands are not enough.  They get bothered by things just as we do but they respond different.  And as far as talking about the issues, I have found my husband has about a 20 minute "listening" limit a day on any one thing that's driving me crazy.    Any more than that, and I have to phone a friend or talk to the Lord.  As we've talked about on here before, sometimes we just long to get out of the church building so we can get out of there and talk to somebody we can "really" talk to.  Somebody with skin on - you know, in addition to our prayer life.  Sometimes by the time I get out of the church building, my friends are asleep in bed!  (I know you can relate)  Many times, it's just me and God with my problems.  Okay....

So, for 17 years I used to just eat them away.  I'd come home from church or the office mad as heck about something...Larry's asleep or...he's already talked to me 20 minutes about it and gone on to watch football.    It's late.  My friend Pastor Tana is already in her snuggly bed up in Massachusetts, or Pastor Dawn is still at church in Arizona out there with her 3 hour time difference.  Or they are making supper like I am, and distracted with other things.  Friends can't be there 24/7, it's just unrealistic.    So here I sit, talking to God about it for a while and still feeling pretty crummy.  So, what do I do?  Time for a brownie.  Why not go for all the gusto...put a few plops of ice cream on the side.  After finishing that off, I still don't feel good about this irritating problem.  So why not grab a bag of potato chips.  You know...you can't stop at just one.  I have polished off whole bags before just being mad about somebody, but not being able to say it.  So.................I just keep doing this and it provides momentary comfort but then I just feel worse and worse afterwards.  (Although it's the only thing ministerially "legal" that I know how to do to make myself feel any better up to that point in my life...)

We just keep eating and eating to fill up the frustration, the anger, the unresolved things we can't just raise our voice and scream about because we are..................the PW.  I'm not talking about putting up a fake front and not letting people know you have any problems, but honestly girls, we couldn't just yell and scream and tell people what we really think a lot of the time.  It just wouldn't be appropriate.  We or our dh would have a job for a very short time if we really let people have it with what we think.  So, we stuff it.  Literally, down our throats.

Well this is what I did for years.  Eating was the one thing I did to medicate myself for all of the things that drove me crazy that were just not appropriate for me to tell people what I really thought.  When I couldn't "let it fly" I just ate.  And ate.  And ate.  Finally I realized...I'm mad at somebody, but I'm letting them hurt me even more because I'm choosing to eat in response to what they did.  They are winning even MORE."  So, I chose to check myself into WW and stop this addictive behavior in response to my stress. 

Once I started WW, and started cultivating healthy habits, and doing right by my body no matter what I might be upset about, I realized something.  Through the tools WW gave me, I was no longer eating away the anger or irritation that I had.  But guess what, it was still there.  I just wasn't eating over it anymore.  I was breaking the eating addiction, however stress in the ministry doesn't ever completely go away.  Let's be real girls, we live in a pressure cooker if we're really out there doing something.  So although my body was getting smaller, my frustrations still sat, in big suitcases all around me!!!    I wasn't eating them away anymore, so what was I going to do with them?

I remember when I first realized I was making major progress with the addiction to improper/inappropriate eating and had lost the first 15 or so pounds.  I was talking to my doctor, Rosemay, who goes to my church and is also a friend and I said, "You know Rosemay, I'm losing this weight just like you want me to.  But now I have to figure out where to put all the stuff that got me fat in the first place!"  She understood.  She lives a stressful life as a doctor and she understands pressure. 

You will come to this point once you start losing weight Ralinda.  It's not just a matter of food tasting good.  It's a matter of...if we're overweight, we are all using the food to medicate something else we are struggling with.  I have had to find good behaviors to take care of my "stuff' in the appropriate way.  Let me tell you some things that have worked for me.  You may not be able to use any of them but you will find your own things to help get rid of your baggage as it comes...

*  I started an online journal.  I learned that when I keep my written journals, I'm a lot more guarded because quite frankly someone could read them or find them at some point.  I don't totally let it go unabandoned.  So, I started an on line one and I am the only one in the world who knows the password.  I even keep the password from my husband.  Normally I don't believe in any secrets between husband and wife but this is different, I think.  I'm not writing to anyone else but myself (or the Lord.)  I'm not keeping any immoral secrets.  (Affairs, etc. or anything like that, nor am I corresponding with anyone.)  But in this journal, I want to say literally whatever comes to my mind the moment I think it, and not weigh or measure my words.  I don't edit it, or care about what I write because nobody but God is going to read it.  The password will literally go to my grave with me one day.  Dh knows that I keep it, but he just doesn't read it.  He understands why I need it.  This has helped me immensely.  It's my "no holds barred" place to just let it rip.

*  Exercise is a great way to take care of your stuff.  I think about the issue I'm upset about sometimes while I work out and push myself even harder, just getting the frustration out, whether it comes to power walking, kick boxing or lifting weights.  I was really angry about something and bench pressed 50 pounds one day.  I know that sounds really dinky but for me (i'm not exactly a power lifter!), that's really great!  If I'm really mad, I do 45 minutes of kickboxing instead of 30!  It's amazing how much better you feel about something once you have punched and kicked the oblivion out of it.  After this is over, I don't feel "guilty" for having just eating 1,000 calories of junk.  On the contrary, in taking care of my suitcases of negative stuff, I have just done something GREAT for myself.  Sometimes I'll just get on my bike and start riding with no destination in sight, just riding until I have all my frustration out.  By the time I'm done and I'm coasting back to my house and the Tampa Bay sunset is over my street, I am wondering, "What was it that I was just ready to throw myself over a cliff for?" 

*  I make a cup of coffee or iced tea and sit in my bath tub and turn something on my CD player like Chris Botti (if I need to just calm down), or Frank Sinatra (if I want something to just put me in a happy mood.)

*  I just go play crazy games with Savanna - physical stuff, wrestling and just being silly and tiring ourselves out and then I feel a lot better!!! 

I just want to prepare you.........when you begin to lose weight you'll need to figure out where to put the stuff you formerly just shoved...

The "Feeding Your Appetites" book really speaks to that a lot too.  It was tremendous help to me.  I'm here for you and I know you can break through this!!!  It is a battle but one that can be won!!!

Love you,

me

I wanted to add this. This issue of deprivation rises alot when we start getting low on groceries and have a few days till a paycheck. I start feeling like I could eat everything in the house. Even food I dont like. I know it isnt from GOd. I even read some where that if while your mom was carrying you she had issues like that (not enough money and stuff) it could pass to the baby and they have an issue with overating. I dont know how much stock I put in that (puts alot on poor moms!) But Has anyone else ever done that? Appetite kicks in when money is low?I know my good friend here does. We may just be wierd! (I know we are haha)

Cassandra