It's really tough finding out AFTER the fact that you were hired by a board of elders who are deciding they are not quite sure they want to be pastor led (not control or dictated, just the pastor casting vision) they want equal time in the pulpit and one even told my husband last night in a heated meeting that this wasnt his show....gals....my husband has NEVER been this kind of guy! There are some serious control issues here! We are almost at our fed up point. We so just want to be in a healthy church/healthy ministry position....its been a year of pure stress, pressure, and people leaving. We have had so many new families and salvations...some glorious ones...but all the people can see is the leavings and the negativity....its about to break me. I am starting to really resesnt having to go to church here and resenting the people. I dont think there is one person there I can trust. It feels like junior high all over again....and I feel myself becoming cynical.....just say a prayer for us please. Even my facebook is being used against us. I cant say anything in my status without offending people or folks reading stuff into it. I wish I could leave our church!! hahah
Read Psalm 56 - I say this a lot to pastor friends going through stressful church situations, because this chapter really ministered to me when I was going through one myself. Read it every day if you have to - I know I did at a certain point in my life (My Bible still opens right up to that page, lol!!!).
I have been where you are...and it is one of the most challenging and painful things anyone could ever go through.
First please realize -- these people leaving has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. These are issues within themselves that they were take with them to their new place wherever that may be. They are searching for God knows what and at some point it will catch up with them...but the waiting is hard while people question what in the world you are doing or what is wrong with you. Just hold your head up...God vindicates the righteous.
It sounds like you need to do something to be kind to yourself. I understand the "not wanting to go to church and resenting the people"...when going through a situation like this it's common. Nobody is standing in line to take care of you and right now it's your job to do that. Take charge of encouraging yourself. Take a day or two off and do something to be kind to yourself and renew. You need it to make it through the challenging days there whether you stay or go. YOU ARE WORTH IT.
I understand the longing to be in a healthy place. I have gone through this more than once. You just want to be in a place where people truly love Jesus and just want to serve Him and allow their pastor to lead as God intended. Amazingly that is not easy to find. What an indictment on the body of Christ.
I am praying for you. No hard and fast answers here, just a listening ear and commitment to pray. If you need me I'm here...we're here...just come and be yourself, and enjoy not having to weigh your words for once.
