So here is the down low..or low down?? Who knows...I have heard it both ways...
My hubby and I are College and Career Leaders. We have a "small group" of what started as 20 young adults. We were the 7th grade leaders, but have been changed over by the Youth Pastor since God told him to expect growth. There is another couple in that area already to have been doing it for about 2 years. Well, the first night we were up there, we had 53 college kids!! And since then it has been around the same. We break off into smaller groups and go from there. The kids are not the issue.
Hubby and I submit and help where ever God puts us. We want to serve His people. Well, after two of the past services we have had, wife of other couple acts a little weird, then later apologizes for treating me badly. Some times I feel like maybe she feels like we are intruding on her ground?? I told her I don't notice she treats me badly, it that it is a blessing to work with them. They are a wonderful couple.
So what is going on?? I have no clue. It was different when we were Senior Pastors, but this feels like they feel we are trying to take over..and we are not. We are there to serve them and the students.
So I am trying to understand just for clarification -- the other couple is still over the ministry but you have been moved by the YP to assist them in working with that ministry?
Regarding the increase in students, did they come the first week you were there because you invited them? Does the increase in students have anything to do with you and your dh? Or did it just occur randomly and now the other leader's wife is just threatened by your involvement in the ministry?
Youth Pastor asked dh and I to co-led the group, and at one point, maybe multiply into another group. Right after we got there to help, all the students started coming. Youth Pastor said that God told him to get ready for growth. So that is what he did. They started coming the week we were there and have not stopped. I guess the other leader's wife feels threatened. Not sure why...
Okay, so you are co-leading it with the other couple?
I am guessing she is threatened because:
1) They are not leading it alone anymore. (And maybe she wanted to and resented youth pastor's bringing in additional leaders?)
2) It wasn't growing when they had it alone like it is now. She is bothered by the fact that you had success immediately at something they tried for a while and did not achieve.
3) She fears the entire thing is going to be given over to you once the youth pastor realizes your gifting.
4) She is jealous of the way you connect with the students, and she has had a challenge in doing so.
I am not saying any of these reasons are right, simply this is what I would assume based on watching this happen other times before in the ministry and knowing people's rationale behind the way they act.
What do you do about it?
In my opinion only God will be able to speak to her and bring change however you can make the process better by:
1) Setting her at ease --lead, but don't do anything with a strident attitude that would make her think you are trying somehow to replace her or devalue her contribution to the ministry.
2) Maintain a kind/Godly attitude toward her (becomes harder if she really gets an attitude towards you openly however keep in mind the students are watching! Don't let any response toward her ruin your credibility with them.)
3) Don't discuss it with anyone at your church other than your dh.
PD gave some fantastic advice and I can't stress enough to not talk to anyone at the church about it. It will always come back to bite you big time! Watched it happen to some good friends...was not a pretty thing!
The thing with college students, Sean and I were Chi ALpha Pastors at Morehead State Univ. in Ky. They are naturally drawn to those leaders that really show they care and are really invested in them. They also tend to want to be with the leaders that are fun to be with, teach them spiritually but are not always so spiritual that the leaders themselves can't have fun laughing playing games ect... What we have seen is that most teens leaving home and entering college either really make a stand for what they believe in or they totally run from church. We had numerous students (A/G kids) that grew up in church, came to the college and never showed their faces in the door of Chi Alpha except for the first week with their parents and during homecoming when most parents would come to visit the school and would want to "join" their child at a Chi Alpha service. And then we would never see them again despite every outreach we tried. If your college age group is growing that is fantastic! Be real, be honest, and make relationships! That is key to keeping that age group in church. They need to be accepted as adults but still need spiritual guidance. Sounds like your YP was obedient and prepared!
Did the other couple understand why the YP asked you and DH to step up and help in this area? That could be a communication issue that may be causing the tensions too.
Love ya melissa
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Thanks for your imput. They knew why we were coming, but the leader's wife is still doing everything...games, study, etc. I asked her last night if I could help with anything, and she said she would call me. hmmm. That's okay.
I am not sure. We have 40-50 students who come every wed. night now. We have been breaking up into small groups for activites. Then the leaders float to the different groups to lead a little, and help with the conversation and directions.
We really need to multiply into four or give groups........
Greetings Ladies, 
