I need to get this off my mind so I came here. Things have been going really well Here in our new ministry. God has allowed us to start 2 children's ministries. We have begun our outreach ministry called FAITH. I am beginning the groundwork for the women's ministry and we are getting ready to hire a student minister ! God is blessing. The thing is our interim music minister called my Dh 2 weeks ago and said I'm leaving my wife. From what I understand they have been having problems for years and he doesn't want to work it out. Anyway, My Dh went to the Leadership and explained the situation and they all agreed that he must step down. My Dh told him that he hated to do it and that we still wanted him here in a member capacity and that we would counsel with him and do what ever we could for his family. The thing is his wife never came to church except during special events (they have 2 boys involve in the children's program) Now she comes on Weds. nights to help with the kids program. I found out also that The music director was never a member here because he was interim. ( huh?) The thing is this ,the man doesn't want to work out his marriage issues .He says he is finished. The pianist is a good friend of his and she is upset because she thinks that we ousted him. I talked to her and explained ever so gently that a man who isn't a spiritual leader in his home just doesn't need to be a leader of worship and that his home is his first ministry. She said she understands all this but she is telling others that the church didn't do him right. That we should have given him a going away reception . The thing is he didn't want to come back here at all. Another situation is , we have a parttime ministerial assistant that my Dh was so happy about when we came here . He said,I'll have some help with things and I can study more and visit more,... The thing is , He is having to do her job and his! She has done nothing but complain about everything and she has threatened to quit 3 times. My first response is "bye"! Now I know this isn't good feelings but here it is . Here is a woman who is giving MY Husband grief and I don't like it. I'm feeling rather protective and I just want to tell her a thing or too. She works parttime and complains she can't get anything done.I don't know what she will do when we hire a music minister and he has more for her to do. By the way ,we just hired a new secretary to help her but she complained about the hours that the 2nd woman is working. She says her finances are in trouble and my Dh offered her more hours which would increase her time and paycheck. she didn't want that. She is really getting on my nerves and I could just spit! We are praying together that she will come to a decision . My dh doesn't want to fire her but he is at the end of his rope. Pr. Deanna give Lindsay a big hug and a single red rose because she sounds like one in a million! Thanks for listening and I would love some no nonsense goo goo gaa gaa-less thoughts on this subject. Love R
As for the first person, he DOES need to step down! There are always going to be people who "take sides" in those types of situations. When I was in 7th grade, we had a Missionettes leader who was asked to step down for similar reasons, and of course, the kids and parents started arguing and being annoyed at the pastor. Our concerned parents went to the pastor because we were all running around saying, "We want the truth! We were lied to, and we lost our leader!" Since my parents were in the process of separating, I was afraid that my mom would suffer the same fate. So, the pastor (with the Missionettes leader's permission!) had an open discussion for anyone who wanted to come and ask questions about the church's policy on divorce/remarriage/whatever. It really helped answer questions, and people's respect for him went way up, because he didn't just sweep the "controversy" under the rug and hope it would go away.
As for the second situation, I have absolutely no advice! We are going through a similar issue right now at our church, only it is my DH who stands to get the church administrator position as soon as we can figure out how to get rid of the person currently in the job. So I want to say "fire the incompetent person - no questions asked!" but I think that's my own frustration and need for a supplemental household income talking, lol!
What fun! You are learning what it is like to go from pastoring a congregation to pastoring a STAFF. And believe me, that's unfortunately what many Sr. Pastor's with staff members primarily does with his/her time. I could give you a dissertation on this but I won't. You are probably saying in your head, "These are STAFF, we should have to deal with this..." You "expect" it out of the people, but you don't expect it from staff who should know better. Realize, a lot of people don't know better. Anyway, with both subjects...
In the first case, he sounds like he is not repentant nor willing to change. In which case, you must let him go. I believe some situations can be worked through and restored and remain in the church and ministry but if someone is not willing to repent and work on things, well you can't do anything with that. You have no choice. The bottom line with this one is that you are going to have to take the blame for this for a while -- do the right thing -- and God will bless. We had a similar situation and it was very difficult for my dh but we did the right thing and had the favor of God because of it, I believe. It will be hard for a month or two, but it will pass. Just "go through it" and rely on His strength day to day. You may lose a few people - if you do - they weren't with you anyway. Their loyalty may have been with the music minister in which case they need to leave anyway.
Second about this other staff member...keep in mind John Maxwell says, "It's the people you DON'T FIRE that make your life miserable." If she complains I would tell your dh, "be ready, and when she complains just say, 'that's fine, you don't have to work here anymore.'" Look for any excuse to accept her resignation. And don't let her "change her mind." Once she's resigned, make it final. Even if you don't have someone to replace her right away just say, "well, we know this is the leading of the Lord...we've prayed about it."
With staff you really have to take authority sooner rather than later. I would encourage you to gently encourage your dh that the more slack he gives her, the more she will take. If she complains about the other woman's hours, (to you or to him) I think either one of you should say, "Well ______, it really isn't your place to set the hours of our employees, so her hours are none of your concern."
You know, I know you are probably reading this going, "Deanna, it's not that simple." Believe me, it's not that simple for me either. I join Larry in overseeing our staff, both administrative & pastoral. You mentioned Lindsay, so let me say something about that. Lindsay is our personal asst. and in addition to working for us she's very close to us, particularly me. But...I would not allow her to exhibit the behavior that you describe, above. She has never ever done that, thankfully. But if she ever did, I would have to jerk the slack out of her in a New York minute. You just can't let things like that go. She has never ever been unsubmissive at all. But there are times I have had to bring things to her attention that she needed to correct. It's better to say something sooner rather than later. I have had to have "difficult conversations" (ones I didn't "want" to have) but were necessary, about work policies and procedures. From time to time if things get slack with a few, my dh will send a memo to all employees. It might be about office hours, vacation time, work schedules, dress code, phone ettiquette, etc. etc. If there are a few, he prefers to handle it that way. If it's just one we call them in and one of us talk to them about it. Again, it's a colossal pain in the rear to have to do it. Dh says he doesn't understand the fact that Sr. Pastors have to "babysit". Our pastor never had to tell us these things because we automatically did it. We knew what was expected and we met the expectations. These things were second nature to us. They are not to many who are in ministry today. They have to be told, and then they have to be reminded. So, if the ship is to run smoothly, you must do this kind of maintenance.
Although you have to do things in a loving manner, you must also be firm. With employees you have to remember, you must do things in the spirit of Christian love, BUT...it's not your goal to always have these people love and adore you. At times, they will not. At times they will chafe at having to obey what you have told them to do. It's just like being a parent. Being a "church Dad & Mom" is the same. Deep down the kids really love Mom and Dad but sometimes they do resent being told what to do and not having everything their way. Sometimes in order to keep the ship running smoothly, they are upset with you for a while...
