It is a dilema that I just cannot make up my mind or get peace one way or another on a thing. Our church has a samll private school. The tuition is reasonable and we do get a cut for being the pastors. It looks like a good alternative to the huge public school she will go to once leaving the cozy elementary school I have grown to love. SO....what would you do. The catch is the private school and our church board have some issues with each other. there is a struggle to keep unity that has been ongoing since before we got there and there is about to be more issues since we learned we have some issues (tax wise) to settle and get in order. Knowing there could be even more tension and stress....I hesistate to send her. But I am scared of the large middle school here (and to be honest so is she) and I have to make a decision in two weeks when school starts back. :(
Make the decision only on what is best for your daughter - nothing else. Be really clear with the church/school that your involvement/enrollment with the school is only on their own merit and not because you are the pastors there. In this case you have to do what's best for your daughter. If it's best for her to be there - by all means put her there. If it ever ceases not to be best - yank her out immediately. With no guilt! You have to do what's right for your kids.
I do know how hard this decision can be...we had a school in a former pastorate and it was really almost the death of us. Seriously. My dh said he would never ever go to a church with a school again or start one! There were some dark days for him over the school squabbles and he wondered what life/ministry were all about sometimes when we were in the midst of that. Our kids were a part of the school in the beginning but they began to have issues there and were not doing well...the school had many problems and quite honestly there were teachers who had issues with dh and I and took it out horribly on our kids and at that point...it was time to get them out of there. They didnt' sign up to be pastors, they are just KIDS.
We ended up taking them out of the school and it brought immediate health to our family and a peace descended upon our home. Meanwhile our critics went crazy! We we did face a lot of pressure and criticism for taking our children out and doing what was best for them. Some people thought the church should have come first, not our kids.
All that to say-- do what is best for her, at all times - PERIOD.
We need to totally hook up the hubs on the school issue. My dh has always thought to idea of a school would be great but now we see and hear so many pastors say if they had it to do over they wouldnt ever do the school thing. Ad in the next few weeks, this could much worse before it gets better. I am almost thinking about sending her to 5th at the big middle school and if we and she dont like then, next year we do private and maybe by then things will either be better or not at all. Thank you for giving me courage to stand my kiddos. There is that pressure (not necessarily school enrollment but just church first over kids) whether people mean to exude it or not. Its almost subconscious but its definately there. In churches everywhere. Just shouldnt be. I love the line "they didnt sign up to be pastors, they signed up to be kids" I am gonna remember that always.
I will say this - a daycare and a school are two different things. We have not had one (daycare) but many of our pastor friends have. What I've gleaned from them is this:
Schools take over your church, hog up every classroom and inch of space and demand more and more relentlessly until you are pretty much running a school and the church becomes secondary...
Daycares are simply ONE of the ministries of the church (they don't tend to take it over) but they minister by reaching out in the community and they also make a TON of money for the church if you do them right. Schools suck up every bit of money and put you into debt further and can take the church into a financial downward spiral. Daycares have financially saved many churches. I know our best friend basically staffs his church through having a daycare. They make so much money on it, he can hire a few more staffers that they couldn't otherwise afford (this is how their YP and MM are paid, specifically) If not for the daycare those staff positions wouldn't exist. <p> In our church here we can 't have one because of our building issues, however dh would definitely consider a daycare if we could...it can be a blessing but he would never consider a school.
Just let me put my 2 cents on churches & childcare centers from a completely different point of view. My job is to work with childcare centers in 7 counties who accept what is formally known in Florida as subsidized childcare. In other words, they get money from the state to help with the cost of providing services so the needy parents do not have to pay as much. We have several churches contracted with us as what we term "faith-based" providers. I am truly amazed, saddened, & angered by the number of these faith-based providers who feel that they do not have to live up to their contract, who feel they do not have to turn in their paperwork as indicated or in a timely fashion, etc. What a poor witness!! Some may think that as a pw, I'm more sympathetic to the churches, but I'm probably actually harder on them. If you do something, especially in the Lord's name, do it with excellence. Be the leader in the field, the one that others want to emmulate. Be a GOOD witness. And no, not all of the faith-based providers are like this, but on my list of "problem providers," more than half are considered faith-based/Christian. As I said, just a different point of view.
We were in a situation with a church school that put us in a pickle. When we moved to where we are now, the church had a school and part of dh's salary package was free tution BUT we did have to pay a laundry list of other fees that were close to $2,000. Anyway, the school was not at all what it was cracked up to be. The teachers were not "real" teachers and my girls were ahead of the other students so they ended up on individual study plus their classes were very, very small. Kelsea's had four kids in her class, Haley had 9, I think. Lexi's pre-k class was preschool on steroids. She was stressed out and came home with report cards and graded papers. They would get these lectures sbout how they were not ready for school that they would fail. And there were no extracurricular activities. Kaitlynwent to our neighborhood school because it would be her last year before high school and we wnated her to stay in a "like" environment. The church school was only through 8th grade anyway so a change would have been necessary at the high school level. Having the girls go from a school of 100-200 to a school of 3,000 would have been culture shock! The next year we decided all of our kids would attend public school. We lived in a great school district and we knew it would be best for our girls.
However, when Craig requested their files there was a lot of tension between the school admin and the SP. They took it personal and were offended. We tried to tell them it was just best for OUR family. If we had it to do all over again, we would not put them into the church school. Our girls have always thrived in public school and we are involved parents at every level.
The deicison you are making should be based solely on what is best for your family. Don't allow anyone t pressure you either way....
My natural personality and the way I was raised, I am very respectful of authority aiming to go by the rules. I approached the whole school thing in a too submissive way: the teacher/administration are the adults and "right". Period. However, my firstborn was horrified by negative teachers and administration. By the 2nd grade with bitten nails to where they bled he said: "I wish I was still a baby. It was so much easier then." He was in tears and so was I!!! I was an involved parent and could see that sometimes the teacher really is the problem not the child. We did private school and public but resorted to homeschool because both our sons had different challenges and kind teachers were an every other year thing! Once we had one child in public, one in private and one homeschooling in the same year. You really do have to consider the individual child's needs over all others. It's a personal decision for you and I will pray. We've had peace in our home doing a partial home/private school the last 8 years. They are a gems!! My firstborn's in the 10th grade and he is "healed" from all the horror of those early school years with harsh teachers. We are blessed! And he likes school now! Please pray for my 2nd born (i.e. language arts/reading is hard for him). My last born daughter is doing WONDERFUL ...always has. God will give you the wisdom for your child.
Ok. So we have made a decision. Though I havent spoken with the director of the church/private school yet, my dh and I decided that 1)with all the issues about to be surfaced and in need of resolution that we just didnt want to put our daughter in the middle of it. 2)I am in school to be a teacher and I have every intention of teaching in the public school system. Have never thought twice about it. I mean its a mission field to me. And if I graduate when I think I will, I hope to be teaching by the time my second daughter gets there. 3)Activites. Tons of choices. From band, to ball to choral, to acting. Tons of them. So, I am gonna have to get off my lazy do nothing and get out there and hobnob to get to know folks and get her involved. So far, we havent done anykind of sports or activities. I have to quit being selfish with my time. I see it now though it is never easy to see our own faults. :( 4)Deciding that public is one way of keeping every aspect of our family life wrapped up in church. I mean, as any of you know, dh and I talk church related stuff almost constantly. that and bills. So, we do NOT (after thinking about it) want to add the stress of the church school into our conversation any more than it already will be. (I guess this one ties into the not wanting daughter involved in it.) 5)Realizing I cannot shelter her from everything in an effort to keep her safe. I know alot of my motivation to scale down the school and environment was out of fear. Honestly. Seclusion is not always the best thing. And that was the heart of my thinking. Seclude her=keep her out of trouble and that isnt necessarily always so. I am so glad I had you ladies along with my pw back at our home church to bounce this issue off of. It really helps so much to get your ideas and let them stretch me, challenge me and affirm me. deanna, I appreciate this ministry oodles and gobs! lol
There were some dark days for him over the school squabbles and he wondered what life/ministry were all about sometimes when we were in the midst of that. Our kids were a part of the school in the beginning but they began to have issues there and were not doing well...the school had many problems and quite honestly there were teachers who had issues with dh and I and took it out horribly on our kids and at that point...it was time to get them out of there. They didnt' sign up to be pastors, they are just KIDS. 
