First let me say that I am so very proud of my dh. He was officially ordained w/ the A/G last Tuesday night (after being licensed for 6, plus holding his certficate for a couple of years). We felt so honored that Rev. Thomas Trask was the ordination speaker & was the one to give dh his certificate. (On a side note, I just have to applaud Rev. Trask... During the introduction of his sermon, he drew attention to the fact that one of the ordination candidates was a woman & that historically the A/G has valued women in leadership & continues to do so today!)
On with the story, several months ago I started planning a surprise reception for dh at church to celebrate his ordination. This was truly an accomplishment for dh. He did not grow up in the best of homes & was never challenged to succeed in life. And you all know some of the stuff that we've gone through in ministry, so I definitely wanted to celebrate this occasion.
As I said, I started planning this several months ago, including inviting my parents, who are pastors at a church about 30 minutes away. I gave them plenty of advanced notice, so they could plan to be there. And they were planning to be there until Sunday morning. My Dad called me up yesterday & said that something had come up & they couldn't be there. At first, I thought it was an emergency... someone dying, having a heart attack, etc. No, it turns out that there was a family moving away & the deacon board wanted to give them a send-off fellowship & they just planned it yesterday morning. He threw the words of Rev. Trask at me saying that "sometimes ministers have to cancel plans & aren't able to do what they want to do." And then he said "you dh will understand because he's a pastor and I hope his wife (me!) understands too."
Well, I didn't. Maybe it was the years of feeling that church always came before family. I don't know. What I do not understand is why my dad could not say, "We made plans with our daughter several months ago to honor her husband on his ordination. This is extrememly important to our family & I don't feel that I can miss this. You all plan go ahead with these last minute plans & we'll have dinner this week before you go."
Be honest with me, but gently... Am I being unreasonable? As pastors, where do you draw the line with family commitments? Had this been a real emergency, I'd understand, but it wasn't. Thanks for letting me vent!
First, I do understand why you are hurt and I do believe they should have excused themselves from the other reception.
But if I had to guess, your parents are from the "old school" and probably operate in that mentality. They probably come from the generation that says the pastor has to be at every single activity of the church, right?
It doesn't make it any better but I'm sure they are older and still operating under some of these false assumptions.
Keep in mind, Bro. Trask, while a Godly and admirable man is also from that generation. I am not saying this to disparage him at all but there are a lot of things that while applauding him as a Godly man I would not do the same in my ministry or church.
I don't believe you will change your parents mind on this, the best you can do is let them know it hurt your feelings, but accept that they are of a different mentality of operating their family/church than you are. You now have your own family and can change the way things are from here on out, with you and your husband, your children and your children's children. You probably aren't going to change your parents, but you can change the way the family operates in the future because you are leading the future.
I love you and praying for you...and I understand.
Thanks PD for understanding. You're right, I can't change my parents. They are "old school" in many ways. This is one of the reasons that I resisted going into the ministry for so long. Thanks for listening! Love ya, Trace
Ditto Deanna... my dh was in a meeting recently where he and others were told repeatedly that the church comes before family.We don't agree however, we do understand the challenges of pastoring and raising a family.
Trace... so sorry for the disappointment... BUT HUGE CONGRATS to your hubby!!!!
