When our youth pastor's wife, Tina, was expecting her last one, we went to Pastor and the youth pastor and arranged a shower for after youth and bible study on a wed. night so she would be suspicious. Tina was really surprised.
We kept it simple. It was in the gym/mutli-purpose room. We decorated in blue as she had already had the baby, Nathan. Everyone brought a chip, a soda, or small hot appetizer, and the youth dept. bought a nice sheet cake.
Folks went in and out as she opened gifts and we talked, it was very informal. No games, more like a fellowship meal with Tina and Lee occasionally opening a gift or card while everyone mingled around.
No big gifts like a crib or playpen. Just things like diapers, outfits; I gave her a basket with a lavender candle and some lotion, soaps, and other pretty things for her. Our girls gave an outfit and a toy turtle(the nursery theme). They also got cards with money . I know this was helpful.
All in all, it was a nice night for them, and a great way to welcome the new baby.
God Bless, LW
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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
I think we talked about this in a big long post if you want to go back to the beginning of the message board ...but perhaps I'm wrong and it was the previous board that was deleted. Anyway...everybody has different ways of doing this. I don't think any are wrong, just different.
For me personally, I think it's too much for the church to take this on as a project, at least it is in my case. With all of my other duties (which does include leading the women's ministries) I can't imagine it. I know many ladies ministries do this...but I have always felt it opens a huge can of worms. Like...you have to keep everything "uniform" -- the same, and not do "extras" for certain people. And...what to do about those who have just come for a short time? And...members only? Regular attenders? So....
My solution for our church is -- we allow the building to be used by those who want to throw showers, but they are not sponsored by "the church" or the ladies ministry and this is made quite clear. Friends sponsor showers for other friends, period. Also, there are many I would personally like to throw a shower for, but I never have. Reason being, someone may expect me to do it for someone else, and I just can't afford (time wise) to take that on for just anyone even if they have a true need. (lets be real -- everybody has true needs when you get right down to it)
I have always, however taken care of showers and special occasions (welcoming, farewells, showers, etc.) for staff members/spouses. I have always considered this personally one of my roles as first lady of the church. I realize everyone may not feel that calling-- that's just a personal thing with me that I feel strongly about. For staff, I do it and do it up right. I have also thrown two wedding receptions for staff here. Everyone understands -- I do not do it for any members/attenders of the congregation but when it's staff that's different. When I say that I throw these showers/events, let me say that I do not bear the expense for the whole thing. First of all in the case of staff, we do use some church finances for such but I also get a huge volunteer force to bring things and organize it.
A while back I had posted myself on the board here about a situation where someone in the church approached me about a couple who was having a baby. They were concerned that they should have a shower. I suggested, "friends need to handle that, not the church office or ladies ministry." The person stated that this person really has no friends in the church. Amazingly, they are right. Although this couple is very nice, they have just not connected or made themselves available. They attend regularly and are a very nice family but they do not do anything beyond attendance, in and out. So therefore, they really have no connections. I felt badly about that, but not so badly that I was willing to break my rule. (of not personally doing showers for church people no matter what the case.) I knew to do so would bring untold heartache in my future as people would now have this expectation of me to "save the day" when someone had no one to throw a shower for them. So, as tough as it was I stayed firm. Several ladies in the church came to me during the final months of "Susie's" (not her real name) pregnancy and in the months after the birth and said, "What's being done for Susie?" I always replied, "Oh, do YOU feel led to do something? I think that's wonderful!" They would usually be taken aback and say, "Welllll...no.....I don't feel led to do something...I was just mentioning it to you." To which I would say, "Well, the church doesn't throw showers, but personal friends are welcome to. If you'd like to do something you are more than welcome." No one ever said another word.
I did feel badly that -- no one did a shower. When Susie's child was born, I bought a nice gift and brought it to church and gave it to her and her husband after church. I noticed a few others did the same. Incidentally, they never complained or seemed slighted about not having a shower.
As far as gifts, I do present a gift for showers, weddings, etc. for members and very regular attenders. (I don't attend events for "fringers" as I call them -- casual church attenders, etc.) I attend showers that are for those committed to our church body. I'm a gift giver by nature, so I enjoy giving gifts and I give whatever I can afford at the time. I pretty much publicly present something about the same value as I do for everyone, however if the person is closer to me and someone in leadership or a closer friend I may give them other things behind the scenes out of the public eye of a shower. I realize this may cause hurt feelings on the part of some to do something like that publicly, so I'm very discreet about it. I'm the same way with staff members. To be honest there are certain staff I'm closer to and who I do more for...if I see something at the store I might pick it up for them as a little "love" gift, or even for Christmas recently...to be honest, I did more for my asst., Lindsay. First, we're close. Second, without her I'd be absolutely sunk! Anything I can do to keep the girl around, believe me, I do it. (ha! ha!) This includes bringing her my biscuits and famous rolls in to the office, or a candle for her desk. Every little bit helps to keep her happy. Just kidding, she doesn't expect me to do any of that nor would she leave if I didn't. But I just enjoy giving. But as a for instance, when I gave Linds her Christmas present, I called her in to the office alone and didn't do it around anyone else.
I realize there are no right/wrong answers here, it's just "how we do things" in our individual churches. Others will definitely have wisdom as well on how they handle this. Oh another side note -- I generally don't attend Tupperware parties, Pampered Chef, Jewelry Parties, etc. First --- I don't have time. Second, I always feel I should buy something even when people tell me, "you don't have to buy anything, just come for the fellowship." I only go to these parties --
1) If I have time.
2) If there is something I know for sure that I want to buy.
3) If I have money at the time to buy it.
Hope this helps. Wow, this is a whopper of a topic!
Deanna, you mentioned one of my pet peeves...people who throw home parties and then say, "You don't have to buy anything..." Of course you always have a choice! But when you're in a room, surrounded by your friends who are all buying something, and a salesperson hovering over you saying that the hostess will win Prize XYZ if she gets enough people to buy, then it does make it difficult to say, "Oh, no, I'm only here for the fellowship!" Yeah, I usually steer clear of those. DH and I traded a friend with small children a bunch of Disney videos for a bunch of unused Pampered Chef stuff awhile back, so we're all set .
Anyway, I digress! I think Deanna's answer is a great way to handle things if your church is large. The poor woman would be going to someone's shower (or worse - organizing it!) every night of the week!!
I think our church's policy is to throw a baby shower if it's the first baby that the mom has had as a member/attender of the church. There haven't been any weddings since I've been there, so I'm not sure how bridal showers are handled for members.
Yes, I agree Puppetmaster, my sentiments exactly. You are always told you don't "have" to buy anything but you really feel the pressure. So, like I said, I really have to "need" something and the money to buy it.
One more thing - like I said I always attend member/attender showers (babies or weddings) if I am able. If I am not able, I always make sure to send a gift so the person does not feel slighted just because my schedule does not permit. But again, this is for people who are really "a part" of our church, not just somebody who started coming last week...or someone who came one or two times the past year.
I think it's really important even when you are in the small church stage to set the tone as to what you will do. If I was the pastor's wife in a church of 100 people, I would not throw showers personally or take charge of them and the reason is...as you grow it will still be expected. You will have to get to the breaking point before you quit. But that's just my personal opinion...I just think it's easier to make the church building available, but put the responsibility on the person's friends to do it. Therefore it takes the financial burden as well as the organizational burden off of the church.
Hi everyone. Our church has pretty much the same policy as Deanna's. We have about 600 members and the pastors wife doesnt do showers for anyone. There is a comittee and they are in charge of showers for regular attendees and staff members alike. PW comes to as many as possible or sends a gift. They do showers for first marriages or first babies since attending our church. They just recently adopted that policy because some ladies in our church were having so many babies (1 lady had three in three years) and it seemed like there was a shower to go to every sunday. It is much better now and better on everyones budget. As far as shower gift ideas goes this is my favorite. If I run into a shower or birthday and dont have the $ for a gift but will in the future I buy a parenting magazine or whatever is appropriate for the occassion and tuck a little note in that says they will be getting this for a whole year. They love it and I dont get billed for it for several weeks. It buys me some time. Plus it is a good gift. Especially if you can catch a get two for the price of one. You can buy one for yourself and send the "gift" to the giftee and you just got a free magazine! lol
Cassandra - That is a GREAT idea! A great magazine for bridal showers is "A Taste of Home," which is a magazine full of tried and true recipes. DH and I just got a subscription of that for Christmas from a family friend. We've been married 6 1/2 years, but this lady happens to know that we've been working out and trying to cut way back on going out to eat, so this was an absolutely perfect gift! My brother and his wife (who ARE newlyweds!) got a subscription of "Good Housekeeping" from the same lady.
The only time a member of the pastoral staff has thrown a shower for someone was last August. A girl in the youth group became pregnant and decided to keep the baby. Our youth pastor felt very strongly that she was supposed to throw a shower for this girl to show her that the church loved her and supported her, and were rejoicing with her that she didn't choose abortion. So our youth pastor, one of the female youth leaders, and I put it together. It turned out that this girl's parents were having a hard time affording many of the basics and the shower was a real blessing to them. The whole family showed up at our Christmas program (her parents haven't gone to church anywhere for awhile), and I think the shower was the beginning of an outreach to this family...
But yeah, in general, I totally agree that the pastor's wife should not be expected to be "in charge" of these occasions just because she is the pastor's wife. Our senior pastor's wife works full time, has two small children, and also does a ton of stuff to keep the church running. If someone told her that she was in charge of throwing showers, too, she'd just laugh!
Fortunately, the ladies of our church love get-togethers, so they are always more than willing to throw a shower for any occasion, thus leaving our pastor's wife off the hook .
Just kidding, she doesn't expect me to do any of that nor would she leave if I didn't. But I just enjoy giving. But as a for instance, when I gave Linds her Christmas present, I called her in to the office alone and didn't do it around anyone else. 
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