I tried to post on here once and the electric went out. I am just now getting back to it. I have be married 20 years this summer. We dated 4 years prior and knew of eachother our high school years. We got radically saved in our early twenties. We knew that we knew without a doubt that God gave us each other. And I have to say that as life got harder and unfolded, it has been this fact that has served as glue in our marriage...to "stick together" (smile). Here's some things we personally do that protect our marriage:
Firstly, we were "proactive" in that we never waited until we had marital problems to attend marriage retreats, conferences, or the AG marriage encounter. This takes humility, time management, and priority. Especially after children it became more challenging to get away alone. We've been to Dennis Rainey's week away, AG marriage encounter 2x, and a few exotic vacations (honeymoons in Hawaii and a cruise). We have very clear boundaries concerning the opposit sex and we set rules to be proactive in preventing accusations or compromising situations.
Secondly, we kept a date night. At first when the babies were little , it was a day date whereby a friends kept the toddlers 10-2 while we enjoyed our time together. Later, an armorbearer stepped up to the plate and we've had an evening date night for the past 8 or so years. We do something relational together (i.e. playing, praying, laying, etc.)
Thirdly, I am especially creative when it comes to our sex lives. I have games from CBE, costumes, and I make an attempt to make him feel like we felt when we were young. He thanks me often for paying attention to this part of our lives together. There's locks on the doors. Presently, we are in a remodel and I am making our bed/bath a romance haven ... dimmer switch, jacuzzi, new bed, romantic framed art, candles, etc.
Fourthly, he knows he's first place in my life. I respect him and defer to him. But I also have to teach him what's important to me at teachable moments because it's not all about him! I love a book called Living, Loving, and Leading by a husband/wife the Maines. It's more egalitarian and closer to our views re: submission/headship but they don't come out and say it.
Lastly, when a problem becomes so big that we can't seem to solve it, we will seek Godly counsel. We've had to do this for an in-law situation and even a parenting situation. We are also proactive by taking Growing Kid's God's Way cell group classes and other marriage helps. I make prayer cards for our congregation to guide them on how to pray for their pastoral family. I saw huge success in this! I make it topical and them put the word of God in prayer form for them to pray.
Read read read! While you can and the kids are small. It becomes much harder raising several little ones. Hope this helps and I will post from time to time.
