Hello ladies. I would like to tell you about something that happened and see if you would have responded differently. I was at a birthday party supplies store with my 8 year old girl looking for decorations for her birthday/wedding/baby showers for church ETC. We were in the Wedding area and she found these streamers and feathers hanging in the corner so she was going in and out of them playing. I looked up and got a glance of what was behind the curtain. I told my daughter that I think they were trying to block that area off from kids. She looked up to see: all kinds of supplies shaped like a penis. She says: OH! I told her those things are for married couples or about to married couples (i.e. pin the _____ on the man, chip/dip tray, etc. and they are the shape of a man's private part. (That was the quickest way I knew to explain it)....
She says: "Oh! .......... I just thought it was a big nose!" At that point, I started hysterically laughing to the point of almost losing bladder control.
Anyway, I did not expect this to happen. How would you have handled this unexpected situation? I know I need to start talking to her about these things and I was wondering what is the normal age that the menstral cycle begins (I only have sons) and she's the baby girl. She's so innocent/pure even having big brothers around, she's never "seen" them naked. They are pretty modest boys. They don't even like it if I see them in underwear.
I have a flu bug and just thought I'd as your two-cents!
I think you did what was best at the time. It is better coming from you than from a worker at that store!!!
Girls start developing their thighs and breast area arond the age of 9. Some even start their period around this time, some even later in life. Often times, whenever age mom started is usually when daugther starts. Women stop going through this unquie process by the age of 22 years. Some books say 18, but from doing research, I have found it to be more around 22.
I have found that the best way to approach this issue is to ask her if they have any questions about it. This shows one...you are open with her on this issue. Two...she feels safe talking to you about this. Three...the amount she knows is limited by the answers you give.
As I stated before, this is SO much better coming from you than the media, tv, or a girl at school who shares everything she sees mom do. Not everyone has the blessing of being raised in a Christian, and caring environment. You do not need to share everything with her at one time, but take it as it it comes and be gentle with her and ALWAYs ask the Lord for wisdom!!
I think you handled that beautifully. It shows just how inocent and pure your daughter is! I know of a book and at the moment I cant remember the title but will ask friend....anyway the book covers the whole process for boys and girls from menstral things to masterbation. It is a Christian book and covers what the scriptures say about some of the topics. A friend of mine has used it with both of her kids (b/g) and they would read it together and talk about it. The mom and daughter and the father and son. We plan to use the book when my kids get old enough. I will try to find out what the title is since my mind is slipping! I know my friend didnt start it with either of their kids till they were 12/13 specially the more touch topics. melissa
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"How can I keep from Praising Your Name, How can I ever say enough, How amazing is Your Love!"
Thank you ladies. I am very interested in that book! I know that Christians have different views on masturbation. Correct me if I am wrong but I think Dr. Dobson said it's normal behavior for teenage boys. My dh begs to differ. I don't know; I'm not a boy and I have not discussed that with my teen sons but I guess I should. So....when you do know the name of the book, would you please post it? Dh thinks it wrong period because you have to think about things you ought not. But I've heard the Christian sex therapists: the Penners say it's okay especially if one spouse has a much lower sex drive than the other. I don't recall their views re: teens. Anyway, let me know about that book okay?
Not trying to hijack the thread or anything, but in answer to TwoAsOne's question:
I think Dobson's official position on masturbation (from what I recall when I read "Preparing for Adolescence") is that while he does not necessarily encourage guys (or girls, for that matter!) from doing it, he doesn't think it's something worth feeling guilty over, either.
Having never been a boy, I can't answer from the male perspective, but as a teenage girl, I read in a magazine that orgasm releases endorphins, which can help relieve cramps. I was a HUGE cramp-sufferer as a teenager - as in, "flat on my back, not moving" for 1-2 days a month!!! So I decided that anything that could relieve cramps would be a good thing.
I can assure you that when I tried masturbation at that point, lusting and fantasizing were the FURTHEST things from my mind. I even prayed, lol..."Jesus, please make these cramps go away!!!" It actually helped...at least took the edge off so I could fall asleep.
So I believe that in my case, it was not sin. My thought life remained intact, and I remained a virgin until I got married; it did not make me go blind (or whatever they used to say!), and I do not have problems with my current sex life as a result.
For guys, it could potentially be a problem because guys tend to be more "visual." As in, they need to be looking at something to get them going. Again, I am only me - and I do not presume to know what is going through someone else's mind - male OR female!!!
I am 100% in favor of education and information, though!! Keep the lines of communication open between you and your kids so that they feel comfortable talking about anything with you. Issues like these are not going to go away just because we refuse to talk about them, and our refusal just makes matters worse!!
Thank you PM for the new information. Thanks also for sharing about your experiences. I never had any female problems until recently. However, I can remember being at church camp and seeing some girls severely suffer with cramps. I knew a friend in high school whom tried the same solution as you; I had forgotten that. Re: Dobson - I have only ever read his writings on children. I just heard through peers that he was not against masturbation (specifically teen boys). Thanks for sharing. I appreciate all of you ladies! Honestly, I grew up with a Mom who never talked with me about sex or my menstral. Sadly when I did start my cycle I was horrified that I was hurt and something was very wrong. My Mom giggled but explained very little. I aim to listen and talk openly with my kids. Any Christian resources to aid me will be a blessing....including your friendship. I appreciate you.
Just wanted to let you know that I have been working on getting the name of that book. Unfortunately the one person I thought would come through for me has not responded except with, I think it was by Dr Dobson. Which may or may not be true. I have not heard back from her...unfortunately the family is going through some really tough times so I dont want to press her right now. Sorry! She did tell me if she found the book she would let me know so there is still hope. I just dont feel right about begging for her to respond more. again sorry and if she does get back to me I will let you know.
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"How can I keep from Praising Your Name, How can I ever say enough, How amazing is Your Love!"
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The Struggle By: Steve Gerali Nav Press / 2003 / Paperback
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Product Description Let's face it: Every guy struggles with masturbation - and so do many women. With masturbation there's almost always an overwhelming sense of lust, guilt and shame. Some of us are so weighed down by these feelings that it interferes with our other relationships. It shouldn't be like this. Our culture is becoming more and more sexualized - T.V., movies, music, billboards, the Internet, even the clothes people wear. We can't just bury our heads and pretend we don't struggle to stay strong. With this book, author Steve Gerali shatters the silence by offering biblical wisdom on the topic of masturbation.
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Raising Teenagers Right By: Dr. James Dobson Tyndale House / 1988 / Paperback
It is really on my heart to teach a purity class for our pre-teen girls this summer, and you have given me some great resources to look into...thanks - you just totally made my day!!
Just to let youkonw my friend wrote me and said she searched her house and her husband asked her what she was looking for and he told her he put a huge box of books in storage. She thinks its in the box. She said they are both pretty positive the book was by Dr Dobson and they got it from Focus on the Family. It may be the one Autum Rose put on the list she added here earlier. melissa
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"How can I keep from Praising Your Name, How can I ever say enough, How amazing is Your Love!"
I just bought a mother/daughter date night kit by Dannah Gresham from CBD. It's supposed to have a journal/stickers for girls 8-12 There's a book for Mom to read which gives guidelines for the times together. And you listen to a CD in the car together that is short. I will let you know if I like it! But it sounds good for teaching daughters to be modest and stay pure. It's called The Secret Keeper's kit. She also does purity retreats for girls I believe.
Thanks ladies for all your help and Autumn Rose I appreciate all your efforts! Hey I posted about an Illustrated Wedding , do you have any good ideas? It's under: Pastoring Partners category I believe.
It is definately time to talk. We were driving down the street and she said: Mama, I'm not sure. But I thought I saw a restaraunt called Adam and Eve's. (grin)
I don't know; I'm not a boy 
and I have not discussed that with my teen sons but I guess I should. So....when you do know the name of the book, would you please post it? Dh thinks it wrong period because you have to think about things you ought not. But I've heard the Christian sex therapists: the Penners say it's okay especially if one spouse has a much lower sex drive than the other. I don't recall their views re: teens. Anyway, let me know about that book okay?
