Okay, it's like this. We have a guy at our church (same who I referred to in an earlier post about begging for money, with no real need to) who crashes events he is not invited to. Several times at the church, he has been asked to leave. For instance:
We have newcomers luncheon quarterly which is just for people who have come to the church in the last 3 months, and our pastoral staff and board. Each time this guy comes in and crashes the luncheon and has to be asked to leave by someone in leadership. Then he leaves in a real huff.
Now...every year I have a Christmas open house for our pastoral staff, board, and ministry leaders. It is after church and a very special time that everybody looks forward to. This man is NOT a leader, not in any sense of the word. But can you believe, he shows up at my house every year and crashes this party. About 70 people are invited to this. It's by personal invitation only. I send out fancy invitations and people RSVP. He always finds out when it is. For the past two years I have not known what to do. How do I "kick him out" in front of these people...I mean I dont want to cause a scene, or seem cold or callous. But, the point is, he is not staff, board or leader and this is who this event is for.
I have a notion to go to him before hand (like Dec 1) and say, "Now Johnnie (not his name), just wanted to let you know that my open house is for leadership only, and you are not in that group." But that sounds horrible too.
I know this sounds crazy, crazy crazy. You are probably thinking this is the most nutso thing you ever heard. But it's true. And I do not want this guy there for one more year.
BTW, it's not like we don't have events for EVERYBODY in the church family. We do. And this man has been invited to our home with other groups that he is a participant in. But he just has a tendency to "mooch" constantly.
Alright, give me some advice. How do I handle this with utmost grace? What would "Miss Manners" do?
When I saw the title, I assumed it was him. Miss Manners would expect the man to get it by now that this function is not for him. I have very close friends who own a big medical practice, they do the same thing each year, but I am no longer working there, so I do not attend just because I happen to know when and where.
This is tough. You might want to approach this man before the holidays, and just tell him that he is welcome to come and visit at the functions appropriate for him, but this funtion is more of a way to show your and Larry's appreciation for the staff, and a night for the workers to bond. And that while you all love all your parishoners, there is a time to embrace and a time to turn away from one. This is a night for the staff to embrace eachother without others present and it's very important for the morale of the staff to have this.
If he can't understand it, drastic steps allowable within your church body may have to be taken.....like discipline....censure....whatever the AG calls for. This is not good. He should not be allowed to do this anymore. But I realize that no matter what thier problems, you and Larry love all of your spiritual children. Then again, love also = discipline. love,lw
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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
I think you should do what you suggested. Tell this guy beforehand when the open house is and that he is not invited because it is only for the people in leadership. Even before I finished reading your post, the first thing that popped into my head was, tell this guy ahead of time so that he won't just show up. (must be divine confirmation) smile.
That is not being unmannerly. It's just preventing a very uncomfortable scene at your home. (hopefully)
I agree with the previous comments. I think that you should speak with this member prior to the event. However, I would suggest that you and your husband speak to this man (possibly with an armorbearer present) together. That way he will see that both of you are aware of and united in your stance regarding this situation.
I AGREE. HAVING LARRY THERE, SENIOR PASTOR AND HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD WHERE THE EVENT TAKES PLACE, ALONG WITH ANOTHER STAFFER WOULD PRESENT A STRONG UNITED FRONT, BUT YOU CAN ALL ALSO LET HIM KNOW AS A WHOLE THAT HE IS LOVED. IT SHOULD WORK. GOOD LUCK! LOVE, LW
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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
