Hi! As you may have guessed from my user name, I am a soon-to-be children's pastor. I am already employed by a church as a children's ministry director, and I just needed to vent somewhere!
So, there's this lady in my church - a board member, no less - who apparently has some sort of personal dislike for my husband (and possibly me, too), who works with me in my ministry. Which I can take. Not everyone is going to like me, and I'm cool with that! But the thing is, my best friend, who is the youth pastor at our church, gets to hear everything from this lady about how this is wrong with our ministry, and how we should have done this, and we shouldn't have done that, and now some of the attacks have even gotten personal (i.e. my husband has a pride problem is the latest!). My friend has done everything she can do to stop it (walked away, defended us, etc.) short of bluntly telling this lady, "You're sinning. Shut up!" which wouldn't do any good, anyway.
Is there anything I can do? I've mentioned it to my senior pastor, so he is aware. Is this lady just clueless that my husband and I are best friends with the youth pastor and her husband, and that she doesn't really want to sit and listen to gossip about us? Or does she know very well that we are best friends and is just trying to stir up trouble?
God has told me very clearly that this is the church I belong in, so leaving is not an option. If I tell this board member what I know, then I am risking my friend being accused of spreading gossip (ironic, isn't it?). She (my friend) didn't even tell me any of this for a long time, because she didn't want to hurt my husband and me. She only mentioned it when it came up. Anyway, I'm at my wit's end with this. I don't trust her, or any of the other women in my church because I keep wondering who else feels that way about me and my ministry.
Sorry to dump all this in my very first post. Thanks for listening!
Welcome, we're glad to have you here. And, please know that it's no problem to dump it all out on your first post. That's what we're here for.
Okay, where do I start? First of all, stop worrying about who else feels like this about you or your ministry. That's one of the devil's first smokescreens that he tries to use on us to make us think something is bigger than it is. It's meant to slow you down, trip you up, cause a distraction...so don't let it.
Second, your friend, the YP does need to be blatant with this lady and tell her: WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS WRONG. I WON'T ENTERTAIN IT. DON'T MENTION ANYTHING LIKE THIS TO ME AGAIN. It will cost her a comfort level with this board member, but it needs to be done. The board member may never speak to her again. (Is it really a loss?)
Third, and I know this really might be hard to hear, but I feel I need to say it. Be careful with your friend, the YP. I'm not wanting to throw fear on you (fear is not of God), and remember I don't know your friend, so I have no personal bias in this. But the reason I say this is...I find that there is something wrong when people have a comfort level to come and tell a person negative stuff. I learned this the hard way years ago. A supposed "close friend" in the church who was in top leadership would come and tell me negative things that people said/did against me. While she may have been telling the truth about what they said or did, the fact is, she was not completely loyal to me. I never realized at the time -- she was a snake. There was a reason these people felt a comfort level with her. (She would spiritualize it at times and mention to many people that "for some reason people feel comfortable talking to my husband and I..." as if they were "spiritual leaders" or respected among the flock. In reality, they were negative themselves, and provided a perfect atmosphere for people to "share" their concerns.) Keep this in mind: I find with a true blue friend, somebody that is loyal to you to the death, there is no one on earth that can get a word in edgewise about you unless it's positive. They simply won't hear it. They won't give the person an "ear" to share their concerns. They won't sit silently by. They won't ignore it, allow it, or invite it. They will be absolutely appalled that somebody dared to speak a word against you and if need be they will even risk severing their relationship with that person completely by saying, "I am absolutely stunned that you are saying this about my friend. Please do not ever, ever speak to me in that manner again."
I am real careful about people who will listen to any negative information about me. A dog that will take a bone will also carry a bone...
I don't want to devastate you here, or cause you to jump to conclusions or be taken by fear. I just advise you ~ walk cautiously. It seems you already are in regards to the people in your church, in general. But maybe you should ask this YP friend..."why have you listened for so long without taking spiritual authority and calling this woman on the carpet and insisting that she never speak this way again?" (She might not listen to her, you're right, but at least she would never tell HER again.) Also, I would ask your YP friend, "Why did it take you so long to tell me?"
Just my two cents. I hope I'm wrong, but I speak as one who walks with a limp, because ---------I've been through it.
In the meantime, DO NOT FEAR this woman. I would question why she is still working with you in the children's ministry. With friends like her, you don't need enemies. She's not an armor bearer. How can she be lifting up your arms when she is tearing you down behind your back at every turn? I know there is more to the situation than we know. Perhaps the pastor would not allow you to take her out of children's ministry leadership. Perhaps you do not want to tackle that yourself. Maybe you think it would give her even more fodder to tear you apart to the church people. You need to pray and get the mind of God concerning what He wants you to do regarding her children's position.
May God give you wisdom, discernment, courage. Our prayers are with you.
I totally agree with everything Deanna stated (as usual). I too have experienced this same situation. The people who the complainers and negative people go to for a listening ear are usually not as spiritual as they seem. My dh always says that the only place for trash is in a trash can. You need to talk with your YP friend and let her know that she cannot allow people to dump this garbage on her, or that is what she will become. For her own sake, and the sake of the ministry she has to put a stop to this, just as Deanna stated.
Don't let this get you distracted from what God wants you to do. Just look at this as a means by which God has opened your eyes to some things. This will help your ministry in the long run. Even if your YP is true blue, you need to be aware of this all too common occurence in churrches. Some people where it as a badge of honor when people come to them with their "concerns" about the ministry. I have seen in more than one situation where the person who listens to the "concerns", eventually becomes the mouthpiece for the people who only want to cause confusion. They will use this person to champion their cause so that they do not have to do so themselves.
Just be careful and prayful as you go through this situation. We will also be praying for you.
Deanna - Thanks for the advice! I definitely needed the confirmation that this board member is just being used by the devil to stop what God is trying to do through my ministry.
I do feel that I need to clarify some stuff as far as my friend goes. First of all, she has flat out said things like, "Please excuse me. God does not want me to be listening to this," or, "I don't agree with you. They are my best friends, and I don't want to listen to gossip about them," as well as just plain left the room in the middle of this lady's sentences. The board member just doesn't take a hint. I don't even think she would "get it" if God Himself appeared to her and said, "Stop sinning or I'll smite you!" Ours is a church that, for years, has been under the mentality that the board runs the church and gets to order the pastors around. Our senior pastor has been trying to reverse that, and has done a great job so far, but he's only been there three years as opposed to the 50+ years that the church had been in existence under that mentality before he came!
As I mentioned, my friend did not tell me any of this until I started sensing that there was something not quite right about this board member and her attitude towards my husband and me, and just plain asked her. She had not said anything because she didn't want to be one of those people who comes up and says, "Hey, I heard something about you, but I defended you..." She's had plenty of "friends" like that in her life. She very reluctantly told me that this lady has been gossiping to her about us. If anything, it was me who pressed her for information!
My husband actually asked her NOT to directly confront this lady for the time being, for a whole lot of reasons, one being that because we are close friends, she could use it as more ammo and stir up trouble with the senior pastor. I should also add that this same lady has spoken against the youth pastor and her husband to my husband and me on other occasions (from personal experience, it's very hard to get a word in edgewise when she has you cornered!). We all feel very much like she is either clueless about the fact that we are friends, or else is blatantly trying to destroy what is, in fact, the only real friendship that any of us have had in a long time. Either that, or she is so in bondage to the sin of gossip, that she will talk about anyone, to anyone else.
I just wanted to clarify how my friend has been responding to the situation - I realize in my last post, it did sort of sound like she sits and entertains gossip and then goes back and repeats it. That couldn't be further from the truth, but I can totally see how one might have gotten that! The truth is, I haven't had a better or more loyal friend in my life (other than my husband, of course!). I have extreme trust issues - I've been burned by lots of friends - and God has very clearly spoken to me several times and said, "You can trust this one." Some other day when I have more time, I'll post the amazing set of "coincidences" that brought our entire pastoral staff together as a ministry team and as friends.
Anyway, thanks again for the confirmation that I DON'T have to listen to or pay attention to that garbage! I know that this is one of the main ways that the devil tries to attack me because I am so untrusting of people. I need to listen to the truth that God has called me to be a children's pastor, He has called me to this church, and He has given me incredibly amazing and wonderful friends, and that the majority of people in the church do support me.
P.S. So...guess who I just spent 1/2 hour on the phone with?
Yep - my friendly neighborhood board member! I have been employing some strategies to let the workers know that we are a team, and that I care about their input. So - I've been calling them individually this week asking them for their advice on which giving program we should do with the kids (Operation Christmas Child, Angel Tree, or a local charity...). So I called her about that - she seemed surprised that I asked her. Then we started talking about the Christmas program. Then the Wednesday night meal ministry. I figured out (without her actually telling me) that her beef with my husband is that he isn't using the system for keeping track of $$ spent, kids fed, etc. that the old church secretary had invented. Our old church secretary just died from cancer last summer, and this lady was good friends with her. It's a stupid reason, I know, but at least it's not personal...
And to answer a previous question - Yes, this lady is in bondage to gossip. While I was on the phone with her, she started talking to me about another person we know (someone apart from the ministry staff!).
But anyway, I just thought I'd update you all. Feeling much better for the time being. DH keeps telling me I need to let it go - that she hasn't said anything about me, anyway (just him!), and that I'm taking up his offense. Sigh. I hate it when he's right. But I am happy that I have someone like him in my life and my ministry! Nevertheless, letting it go is easier said than done!
Thanks for the clarification. Wow, this lady does have a problem. Don't worry, it's going to catch up with her.
I commend you for not allowing it to distract you or slow you down. I would work towards somehow moving her away from your leadership team, or at least minimizing her role. She's your weak link and you don't need it. Not sure whether you can do something about it right now or not, but you sure can pray that God would change her or move her out.
Remember, no weapon formed against you shall prosper, every tongue that riseth up against you shall fall, this IS the heritage of the servants of the Lord!
I have found that even when I thought other people were clueless to someone's behavior, they really were not. They just refrained from telling me about it. Sometimes you get frustrated with a gossip because you think you're the only one (you and the staff) that realizes the person's problem. Be assurred other people know she has a problem even if they haven't come forward about it yet. Give it time, she will hang herself. My dh always says, "give people enough rope, in time they'll hang themselves." If you come out against her publicly though, it will backfire. Let the people see it for themselves.
I recently deal with a person who had a very negative slant about everything and had no problem sharing it with people. I was often concerned about whether they were having an effect on anyone. It was hard to keep quiet, but I did. Well, they just hung themself. Others saw that while they opened their mouth, mine was never opened about them. Someone came to me and told me of their remarks. They asked me what I thought of their remarks. I said, "I'd rather not answer that, but let me just ask you a question...if you were the pastor and someone came to you with the information you just gave me, what reasons would come into your head about why a person would act this way or say these things?" They said, "Well, I would probably think that person has a very negative attitude and is trying to bring others into their negativity, cause doubt in their mind about the leadership and the church, and I would probably think they were a tool of the enemy to influence people." I said, "Well, I guess you just answered your own question." Without giving my opinion in the least, the person realized that this other person was a real problem. Subsequently, a lot of people (on their own) realized the same thing and a few things resulted:
1) This person is seen for what they are.
2) Everyone sees through their lame arguments and finds them false.
3) They have no friends.
4) Everyone looks up to my husband and I all the more.
So, it definitely adds up to a win! Allow your people to see this woman for what she is. It takes time, but in time THEY WILL!
This lady is under the bondage of the demon of gossip. I also, "walk with a limp", as I have been the target of rumors and gossip. When my DH lost more than 100 pounds, he was almost unrecognizable! Some ladies started a rumor that I had "taken up with another man!". This was upsetting to say the least!
Many other things were said by a couple of ladies in my church, who have been mcuh better in these last couple of years, but it's because it went far enough that it began to do real damage in the church, the senior pastor finally saw it clearly, and got hold of things!
I hope all works for you in this situation, Deanna's advice is right on the money! Take care! lw
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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
Uh, LW, THAT IS HORRIBLE! I know in my previous church a person had lost a lot of weight and one of the ladies in leadership who most often bashed people and had a serious issues herself mentioned to myself and another person, "I'll bet they are having serious marriage problems." I said, "Why on earth would you say that?" She said, "because it's a widely known fact that when you see one or both marriage partners lose a lot of weight they are probably undergoing serious marital problems."
I thought, well could it be...
They are on Atkins?
They went to Golds Gym?
They have been sick?
They are TRYING to lose weight for some reason?
Or could it be that it is just plain none of your darn business??!!
He has considered the t-shirt thing! He actually thought it was funny, the rumor. Not me. Other rumors were spread like .......I was clingy and needy, and you should not be friends with us or our kids because we will want to spend all our time with you. Not sure how this girl got this idea. As busy as I am in minisrty and with my kids? What's up with that one? Another was my housekeeping....in all fairness, I was very sick and in bed for nearly a year with kidney disease(2 operations). But, instead of spreading rumors, how about coming over and helping to clean the place up while I was sick? We need to gab less, and work more!!! Can I get an AMEN ladies?!!!!! As an old pastor used to say......Is that good preachin'? Love, LW
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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
quote: Originally posted by: LW "Puppetmaster: He has considered the t-shirt thing! He actually thought it was funny, the rumor. Not me. Other rumors were spread like .......I was clingy and needy, and you should not be friends with us or our kids because we will want to spend all our time with you. Not sure how this girl got this idea. As busy as I am in minisrty and with my kids? What's up with that one? Another was my housekeeping....in all fairness, I was very sick and in bed for nearly a year with kidney disease(2 operations). But, instead of spreading rumors, how about coming over and helping to clean the place up while I was sick? We need to gab less, and work more!!! Can I get an AMEN ladies?!!!!! As an old pastor used to say......Is that good preachin'? Love, LW"
A big fat amen back to you on this one. You're preaching to the choir on this one. Yes, I've dealt with this one before...about housekeeping and the like, and more. And quite honestly, many times we in ministry are criticized for what are our greatest strengths. I must give credit where credit is due though. In over 2 years now, I have not experienced this in my church in FL. They are wonderful, thank God. They pretty much think I'm wonder woman. But at my previous church, a few people actually had the gall to question my home (which, honestly - I'm not a bad housekeeper, in fact with all I have going on, my house has always been in good shape despite all that I have ever kept going and spinning in ministry, it's pretty amazing that I did as good a job as I did), and...they complained about the condition of our van at the time. Now, you know the funny thing...the reason we had an old beat up van for so long was because we were basically on the poverty level, but we won't go there right now. Suffice it to just say, LW, I agree with you -- if somebody's going to complain about your housekeeping, your car, the clothes you or your kids wear, (or dh for that matter), or anything personal like that, as far as I'm concerned, they need to step up to the plate and help you by taking care of it!!! Like, if you aren't going to be the solution, just shush.
It really works quite well here...I have told my ladies here in FL from the beginning...if you aren't willing to be part of the solution, don't ever come to me about a problem. In other words...don't come and tell me there is trash in the foyer. Just pick it up. Don't come and tell me that nobody called so and so when they were out -- you pick up the phone and call them. Don't come and tell me that there's a mess in the kitchen - you clean it up. For the most part, it's worked. And thank God, nobody has criticized me personally on any of those issues, here. (knock on wood)
Here's one I have trouble with. I've only had rumors about my housekeeping once or twice (and I must say honestly that I probably deserved it because I didn't put forth the effort I do now). BUt I worry about it all the time. And I feel all this pressure to look so so and my kids look soso becuase everyone in our town know my husband and pastor. They know where I go to church and that I am more public than some. But I get caught up thinking I don't know them so I live in this fantasy that I'm like some movie star trying to go out in sweats and avoid paparazzi. lol Except it is becoming an everyday thing. I am dressing more and more comfy and not putting on my makeup. Becuase when I am at home, I am in work mode and I am going to have my hair in a ponytail to keep it out of my face. But I will run out into public and (Lord forbid) up to the church this way. DH never says anything about it but I am just tired of this (real or not) pressure to be perfect. I know we should be excellent. But I am TIRED. I am truly tired of trying to have it all together and feeling like I have to be a shining example of what every women should strive to be before I can open my mouth to minister to anyone. I am tired of thinking my weight is a hindrance or disqualification. I am not keeping all the balls in the air anymore. I will swing from not caring anymore and just being comfy and slouchy to giving it another good fight and dressing up, staying up late, and trying to do it all again. My husband noticed the dark circles under my eyes and that my face is swollen this morning(I think from too much sugar before bed, I am for real. If anyone is anurse and can tell me yea or nea please do) But I am stressed. I have this anxious stomach. I have an ulcer that isn't healing up! We are broke! He just preached a 5 night revival and had to drive and hour each way and got just enough of an offering to cover what he spent. So now we are going to have to borrow from his parents to pay bills but then we owe them agian and it's a cycle I am tired of. But I am afraid to say too much ( I really really try not to say anything at all.) becuase his first reaction is well I 'll just quit ministry and get a regular job. I never said that! I was just trying to talk and vent but he can't handle it so I have been keeping all this in. And I am sitting here crying becuase I didnt know it was bottling up this bad. But our church has got to pay him more. We cannot going on not even making enough to pay our basic bills. I feel bad to even ask for grocery money this weekend. And probable wont. (And just to clarify I am not saying all this to get $ from you all. I just need to scream at someone! And you guys seem able to take it. )
My business is growing. I have stuff everyday. But its not enough to pay light bills and groceries like dh thought it would be. I couldnt even afford the ad in the paper this week. I'll ahve to wait till next and that means I'm missing customers. Its just more pressure and I CANNOT talk to dh becuase he always accuses me of not supporting him in ministry or he goes off about how it isnt his fault (which it isn't COMPLETELY) and how pastor needs to pay him more. He says he has people come to him and ask if we are okay (meaning $ and stuff) and if we ever need help to let them know but he wont because he knows it would affect their veiw of the church if they knew we weren't making it after all the work he does. SO we feel stuck. Everytime he brings it up to pastor about more $ he says "maybe we should just get you a job" and so he doesnt feel liberty to tell him how bad it is. We are still two months behind in our rent and EVERYTHING is due and its too much pressure for me. I need a good cry and some prayer. Because add to all this the condemnation of not paying tithes. Yep you heard me. We've been "borrowing" our tithe money to buy groceries. And i aint talking steak either. Pastor always preaches at people with tight $ to tithe. We believe in tithing too but when your kids are wanting something besides peanut butter and jelly. Maybe I just need more faith. But I am not talking materialism here. We are talking basic necessitites. Something has got to give and we feel stuck . I dont want him to quit ministry. I think he'd be impossible to live with. BUt I don't know what to do or say. I mean is God punishing us for not tithing? That was what it was for in the Bible was to FEED the ministers! I just know we need direction. Keep us in prayer. I'm sure you all know what I am feeling.
You sound just like our Pastor! That is what, after all these years, has started saying to people."....Go clean it up!" and so on. He will just not hear little petty accusations anymore about this or that person, and who left the mess. If it bugs you, fix it!Clean it! Buy them some new clothes! He gets especially upset about overhearing ladies gossip, he used to overlook it, not anymore! He warned the ladies group that if he hears one peice of gossip come out of that room, there will be no more group at the church on Wed., the ladies will join the regular adult class that HE teaches! Boy, the ladies stopped a sinnin' real fast!!! It's amazing what a strong senior pastor with a spine can do! God bless your DH Deanna, and all the others represented on this board! love, lw
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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
One thing struck me especially hard in your last post. The dressing up and the popparazzi thing. This is something we have struggled with. We are very public and live in a tiny town. Everyone knows us, and we are approached by the press alot. For a long time, I put a very unfair burden on myself and our girls to look perfect and be perfect each and every time we went out in public. I wanted America to see a perfect Christian family!
It was after several very stressful years that I let go of this. We are not perfect, and I came to realize that we are doing a great dis-service to others not in the national spotlight by pretending to be perfect. While some things are kept private, we just go out and about our lives and let people see us, warts and all! I think others need to see that Christians are forgiven people, not perfect people. And it's dishonest and hurtfull to try and project perfection because someone may see this and say"...why can't we be more like them...". Do you see what I mean? I do not want to portray an example of something that nobody can live up to.
We are cautious about our witness to others, it's important when you profess his name to walk in his way,but we no longer put on airs as in the past. It's just not reality. I think it's never good for you to concentrate so much on this. You seem very upset right now about finances, clothes and the like. Try not being so hard on yourself. Set realistic goals for your housework each day. Never try to live up to Carol Brady!(she had Alice anyway!) If it bothers DH about how you look when you come to church, then run a comb through and put a little lipstick on. But everyone needs to understand, that the way a Mommy runs about during the day, her makeup will likely sweat off in a few minutes anyway! love you! Feel Better! LW
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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
LW, you are so right. It is about wanting to project a certain image. And it can be spiritualized as being "an example" but it's not being an idol. We feel like we have to portray this image of "get Christ and you can have it all together like I do!" And that is an unfair burden on others not to mention our selves! I love what you said about portraying a realistic image. I am terribly hard on myself. Much harder than I think God is actually. And I have become much more stable emotionally when it comes to finances here lately, yet its getting hard to stay optimistic. I just hope the pressure is coming because we are fixing to have a change. (And a raise). Something's gotta give. Thanks for your encouragement. I know it's gonna be ok. It always is and there is so much to be thankful for..despite the pressure right now. (The seen and unseen (self induced) pressure:
This is my personal opinion -- and I say personal opinion because I believe biblically things could go several ways -- it is not exactly "thus saith the Lord" clear cut here about which way your family should go on this as far as getting another job, or not doing so. But........my personal opinion for what it's worth is that right at this moment, your dh should let the pastor know that if he's to continue to minister in your current church, he needs to cut back on his hours by at least 15 hours a week, (possibly more dependent upon the situation) and get another job to supplement. (He can't just take it in addition -- that would be too many hours a week...some hours need to be cut from the church.) He needs to ACT ON THIS. By not acting on it, the pastor will not realize the seriousness of your situation. It's not like you are asking for a raise for extras. You are not meeting basic bills such as groceries. You are not being paid even the minimum standard of what a minister should be paid. IMHO, Barak needs to just calmly let him know that he must seek supplemental income which will mean a change in how many hours he can be at the church. (The pastor shouldn't have a problem with this as he brings up, "Maybe we should get you a job." So........take him up on it.) When you do this, one of two things should happen:
1) Barak will indeed cut down his hours at the church, and take this other job, thereby meeting the financial needs. At the same time, he will still be in the ministry -- so you do not need to feel pressure that either of you are leaving ministry or out of God's will in some way.
2) The pastor will realize the seriousness of the situation, and agree to give you a raise before Barak actually has to start another part time job.
Also...I know I've asked you this before, but...have you thought of putting out resumes and just seeing if the Lord opens any doors in this regard? What are your feelings on it at this moment?
In regards to the image thing...let others opinions go. I believe that is essential for your own peace of mind, first of all. Although I don't think you should compare yourself with others, or live up to what "the paparazzi" would have you do, I believe you should strive to be the best you can be -- based upon what God speaks to you -- no more, no less. For instance, I try my best to have myself, my family, my home in order, looking sharp. But that's not because I'm in competition with anyone (I'm not - there came a time just like you are going through where I had to get over that), or because of the paparrazi. It's because I want to just try my best to try my best! But, sometimes there are difficult days, and I don't achieve my best. So, no big deal. Tomorrow's another day. There will be better days than others.
The Bible tells us that comparing ourselves with others is never wise. It always leads to being depressed. Somebody will always be better, sharper. We will always feel like we come up short if we do that. So that's why we have to just determine to be what God's called us to be -- and it takes us a while to get comfortable with that.
For a long time I based everything on the paparazzi. And no, you're not crazy for using that term. I have often felt the pressure of it. Larry and I feel it every time we're in public, on a date, at the mall, at the church, wherever. As a pastoral couple, there is always a chance that you are being spotted, observed, etc. There have been times we have been having a very personal conversation over lunch or the like, and realized later that we were in earshot of someone we know. And then, had to worry about just exactly what "the paparazzi" heard. (This is why we many times go a little further out from home on our day off.)
While I still remain cautious about conversations being overheard, or watching my attitude with cm's,(or in their presence), I realized a while back I cannot afford to agonize over my home to an unhealthy degree, or my car, or the way my kids dress. They are normal kids. They have to lead at least a semi-normal life. Normal kids get their clothes dirty, they play and get sweaty, they aren't always picture perfect.
Relax girl...you're alright. Just concentrate on who HE wants you to be. In your own words, remember...YOU'RE TOTALLY FREE TO BE TOTALLY HIS!
My best friend (the youth pastor) finally told it like it was to this lady last week, and then spoke to the senior pastor about it. My senior pastor is FURIOUS, and is even talking about removing this woman from the board. The only think is, he's also in sort of a "funk," partially over this and partially over some other stuff - it's been nothing but trouble from board members for him since he got there. Like I said, my little church has a long, proud tradition of the board members railroading the senior pastor, and when he came in and saw that, he said, "I don't think so..." and has taken some heat for it.
So if you all could lift up my senior pastor in prayer, along with the rest of our staff, as we deal with this situation and others and move on toward the huge work that God wants to do through us in our church and our community, I would really appreciate it!!
Well, she hasn't been dealt with yet. I think she knows she's in trouble, because she's been absolutely sickening sweet to the pastoral staff lately (reminds me of a waitress at a restaurant who is extremely rude until tip time comes around...).
I have no idea what tomorrow is going to be like at church. She could be furious, or she could be even sweeter (to our faces). I also (with the blessing of my senior pastor, of course!) sent a letter to her just letting her know that I know about what she's been saying, I'd like to work to clear up whatever misunderstanding exists between us, and to please let us know in the future of any frustrations she has with us or our ministry. She should be getting that today. At least she will know that our pastoral staff is a team, that we have each other's backs, and beyond being fellow ministers, are best friends, and that she can't play any of us against each other. She may talk to her friends, but we have called her bluff as far as complaining to one pastor about another (okay, I'm not a pastor yet, but you get the idea!!).
Or so I keep saying to convince myself...pray for me...I'm really nervous about how this is going to turn out!!
You are nervous as to how the situation with this woman is going to turn out? Or...you are nervous about being a pastor?
Please relax, in both cases it's going to be fine! You'll make it through both, as you stay close to Him, and as you keep friends in ministry close by to keep you sane through things like this.
quote: Originally posted by: Deanna "You are nervous as to how the situation with this woman is going to turn out? Or...you are nervous about being a pastor? Please relax, in both cases it's going to be fine! You'll make it through both, as you stay close to Him, and as you keep friends in ministry close by to keep you sane through things like this. You're gonna make it, girl! Love ya, Deanna"
LOL, both, I guess!!
DH and I had a very long talk about why I have been so frazzled by this situation. In addition to having a prophetic gift, he has also had experience with theophostic counseling. I am feeling much better, and I am definitely on my way to being free from past issues.
As far as becoming a pastor, the only thing I've been really stressing about is the test, but my friend was asking me just general theological questions/Scripture verses the other day, and I realized I know more of the Bible and A/G theology than I thought I did. Plus, the whole thing is open-Bible and part of it is open-book. Hello?!?! Can someone just HAND me a big, fat A?
Thanks, Deanna, for this board, and to everyone else for sharing and idea-swapping. I am so excited to have found it!!
