Mary Winkler - what do you think?

Deanna · Status: Offline

Mary Winkler - what do you think?

Deborah · Status: Offline

This is what Sheri Stritof has to say about this case

"Ministerial marriages that are lived in isolation and with stress are often not healthy marriages."

As we dont view the same Oprah shows here in SA we are a season behind I will be back to hear what was said.

Love Deborah

-- Edited by Deborah at 23:32, 2007-09-11

Trace · Status: Offline

I won't be home in time to see Oprah today, but I am curious what Mary will say. I've followed the story somewhat over the last few months. I know that she claims that she was abused by her husband. I haven't heard what that abuse entails. I'm also thinking she's the one that said she had a sister die when she was a teenager & suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. Maybe more will be revealed today on Oprah, but knowing what I think I know, here are my thoughts...

She killed her husband in cold blood while he was sleeping. She's a murderer. She deserved much more than the 5 months in the psych ward that she served. There are a lot of abuse victims out there that don't kill their husband while sleeping. There are ways to escape beyond murder.

Now there's the whole issue of her husband's parents asking the courts to terminate Mary's parental rights & allow them to adopt the children. That one's interesting. I think that she should at least have visitation rights. And I'm leaning to the side that if our court system (no matter how messed up it may be) has said that Mary has served her time & paid her debt to society, then I think she should get her children back.

Maybe I'll change my mind after hearing what she says on Oprah today. But just my 2 cents.

Trace

puppetmaster · Status: Offline

I will also not be able to watch Oprah today - I cannot wait until we upgrade our cable to include DVR recording so that I can tape stuff like this, lol!!

It's an interesting situation - I can definitely understand the isolation in the ministry and not seeking help if you and your spouse are having problems. On a MUCH smaller scale...my DH and I are afraid to even be seen disagreeing in public, because in this community, we actually run into people from church in the grocery store...Target...wherever! Realistically? We are married and of course we're going to disagree from time to time. But there is a stigma attached to even a small squabble in Target about whether or not we can afford to purchase Season 1 of "Heroes" this week, or if we should wait until the next paycheck. If someone from my church saw us, it could potentially be blown out of proportion, and by the time the story found its way through our 400+ member congregation, it could be something like, "Our children's pastor and her husband are having MAJOR marital problems!"

So I can understand her reluctance to let someone know if she was being abused...however, the fact is, as Trace said, there are other ways to escape an abusive spouse besides murder. I'm sorry, but if my husband was beating the snot out of me, I really don't care whether or not I'm "in the ministry." I'd get out - especially if I had kids!

It'll be interesting to hear what she has to say!

Deanna · Status: Offline

Okay, weighing in with my humble opinion...

I agree. There are other ways other than murder. And it doesn't seem that he was threatening her life, at least I haven't heard that yet. She should have left him, plain and simple.

I think if not jail, she should be doing a lot more psych time for this. She obviously has some real issues.

I think the part that really made me question her side of it was watching court TV and seeing the high heels...and her story of being asked by her husband to wear high heels and short skirts in the bedroom. She considered it abusive. I think that's ridiculous. I personally would volunteer to wear high heels and a short skirt in the bedroom! biggrin Sounds like fun to me. (maybe it wasn't to her, but it's still not abuse.)

Until she pulled out those high heels, I actually had a thought that maybe she was a terribly abused wife and then that just made me think...hold on...

I dunno, but can't wait to watch Oprah and hear more. If he threatened her life and physically abused her and all that, and it's proven - I'd feel differently. But the whole heels/dress thing has really kind of soured me on her side of it.

LadyT · Status: Offline

OK, I did not get to see Oprah. What did you ladies think about it?

T

Deanna · Status: Offline

I still stand by my comments above after seeing Oprah. This death was not necessary. She definitely could have just left him and divorced him.

I know we can't definitely judge - we were not there, we do not know him, we really do not know her although we can see and hear her on TV. However, when I watch her I don't have a good feeling. This is odd for me to not sympathize with a minister's wife because I so easily do sympathize with most and have compassion on the struggles they go through.

With her I do not hear much about stress in the ministry or such. It really wasn't "ministry related" it seems... more about the fact that he wanted her to wear a short skirt and high heels and have what she deemed as "unnatural sex." (Let me tell you, whether it's natural/unnatural or whatever, if my counseling sessions and talks with ladies are common at all - and I think they are - this is going on in a lot of bedrooms and nobody is killing their spouse over it. Read "The Marriage Bed" website (www.themarriagebed.com) if you want more insight into this. You will see, Matthew Winkler wasn't such an odd man, even a Christian Godly man - to ask his wife for what he did. Should he force her? NO. However, to act like a man is this terrible unGodly man to ask you to wear this outfit or have sex in certain ways, has nothing to do with whether he should be shot in the back of the head.

The prosecutor on Oprah shared that what "sealed the case" in the small town courtroom where she testified was when she put the high heeled shoe up on the stand, hung her head and cried in shame. That really made me sick to be quite honest with you. Whether or not she shot this man should have NOTHING to do with what she wore or did not wear in the bedroom or what the habits of their sex life were. If Larry asked me to have a certain type of sex or position and I did not want to have it, I'd just say no, I wouldn't shoot him. How dumb is that?

Many might say, "well there was more to it, it's not about all that." Then why did they say it "sealed the case in this small town?" The lawyers said were it not for that, people would have not sympathized with her like they did in this small conservative town.

I always look at people's faces very closely and observe their actions in something like this. I noticed when she answered Oprah's questions she would often look away, not making eye contact with her. That always seems odd to me when someone does that. Like they are avoiding something.

All I can tell you is, I usually have the utmost sympathy for most minister's wives and for this one, I don't.