My WL is secretly dating the panio player. WL is 32 and panio player is 23. They said it just sort of happened and are taking it slowly. Do you think age matters in this? He is still on college, and she just started her own Curves. It came as a surpise to my husband and I and they are wondering what we think. What would your reaction be?
It took me a couple of minutes, but I figured out "worship leader." And is your worship leader the lady & the piano player the gentleman? Not that it matters, but I was just trying to understand.
Personally, I don't think age matters. Not to say, that I don't raise my eyebrows in surprise when I first hear about a situation. My sister (19 at the time) married her husband who was at least 10 years older than her. She finished college. She's a teacher. They have a child & a great relationship. She's the worship leader & he is associate pastor. So, can it work? Yes. Did it take me time to get adjusted to the situation? Yes.
My only concern is the "secret" part. I'm sure they have their reasons, but "secret" suggests something to hide. When things are in secret, there is not any accountability in the relationship. Your WL & piano player need to be above reproach. Even if their relationship is pure, others may question the relationship if they find out about it. "Why did they keep it a secret if they did not do anything wrong?" Their credibility may become an issue, even if they are innocent. That's just the way the church world works.
She is 32 and he is 23. He is the panio player and she is WL. They have been together for 3 weeks and are just now starting to tell their close friends. They asked us what they thought, and I was surpsed yet not. Lately when they are together you can tell that there is more than just friendship. Anyway, the panio player ended a relationship with one of the praise team members about 9 months ago, but has not spoken to her, the Pastor or the PW. My husband and I told them to be careful, go slowly, and not "hide" relationship. WL has been single a long time and is very set in her ways. Twice before she tried to have a relationship with a younger man, but ended up getting his heart broken because she thought they were not mature enough. I just know that once a "pattern" is set, it is hard to break. I desire God's best for both of them, but also caution them to take it slow and let others enjoy the relationship as well. Another thing is that many men married and single are drawn to WL, and will be heart broken. That is another issue I guess, someone in leadership who is filled with God's power and anointing, people are drawn to that! I have defended my hubby a great number of times! Have you ever had that happen to you?
Thanks TRACE for explaining WL... I almost thought it was another AOG term that us good Baptists on board know nothing about... But we do have WL's... But it escaped me at the time...
But seriously, the issue is maturity... And realistically, the question is what are they getting out of the relationship? Is this a sexual relationship? Is this a "we're just having fun" relationship? Is this a "we are both so anointed and we pray all the time" kind of thing? Is this a "he really gets me, she really listens to me" relationship? There is so little in common that a 23 year old college student has with a 32 year old female who is so into her career that she is not an employee but the owner. I feel something strange about that whole scenario.
Now I know that I am normally scriptural when I answer questions and today I am in rare form because after months of working my fingers to the bone I am going on vacation (okay so I am really going to a church convention but believe me I do not intend on working while I am there... IF I make it to any of the sessions, I will be surprised!!!) So excuse me because today I am extremely giddy , but here is my reality - I married a man who is 8 years my senior and I can tell you from experience that we are perfect for each other but that there is a vast difference in our experiences and even though we have been happy for nearly 19 years, I can tell you that this level of age difference does make a difference... Think of it this way... when she graduated from high school he was in the third grade...
But what is of more concern to me is the previous relationship that the PP had (I can use acronyms too!!)... When you say that he has not talked to the girl does that mean she does not know why they are not together or that they are not speaking to each other because it is over??? Because that is also a sign of immaturity...
I agree with Trace that the secret part is the part that gets to me... I am just sensing that this is a physical relationship and that they need to guard their lifestyle to keep themselves HOLY and in right relationship with the Word.
Me too, the secret part gets me too. WL and Panio Player have not told the ex-girlfriend yet because WL is very close to her and is trying to figure out the best way to tell her. WL has not told Senior Pastor or his wife yet because the relationship is new and once again they are trying figure out the best way to tell them about it. They have not had any physical intimacy that Hubby and I know of. At least that is what has been told to us by WL, they hold hands and watch movies together at Asst. Pastor's home. The ex-girlfriend does not know that they are together. Hubby and I have told both PP and WL to bring it out in the open for that very reason. They both need to be above reproach. This morning on my way to work I saw him driving her to work. I just pray that she does not repeat the past and is careful.
My mom and dad are 7 years apart and are still happily married.
I don't see anything wrong with the age difference. As far as the secret thing, not totally sure...to what degree are they taking this? Are they not wanting to tell people so as to not upset them? (The ex-girlfriend, I presume?) Maybe they are afraid of others reactions and this is why they have waited? I can understand that - and would not necessarily want to tell the whole church (maybe they are afraid of "drama"?) although I believe the pastor knowing is a good idea.
Deanna, I agree. I think the pastor should know. And the ex-girlfriend. They do not have to tell everyone, but the people closest to them. They are not talking about it because they are scared of upsetting them.
Just an update. Panio Player and Worship leader are still seeing each other, however they have not told Pastor or ex-girlfriend. They did however find out from someone else who saw them together. Ex-girlfriend was upset because they did not mention anything to them. Senior pastor found out the same way too. They are still seeing each other, but my hubby and I both advised them not to go about it in a way that seems like they are hiding something. But alas, they are having to learn the hard way.
Paino player and WL are still together, but now ex-girlfriend is moving in with WL!! Now Panio player is upset because ex-girlfriend and WL are best friends and now he has to deal with both of them! Panio player feels like he is being treated like a child, but wants to go out in public with WL. WL will not date in public...why?? I do not know. To be honest, I think this is really childish and Jr. High! They should not have gotten together in the first place. But that is just my opinion.
But we do have WL's... But it escaped me at the time...
, but here is my reality - I married a man who is 8 years my senior and I can tell you from experience that we are perfect for each other but that there is a vast difference in our experiences and even though we have been happy for nearly 19 years, I can tell you that this level of age difference does make a difference... Think of it this way... when she graduated from high school he was in the third grade... 
