I would like you to pray about your answer before responding to this post.
Imagine yourself, after preaching a very convicting sermon on Galations 5:19-23, I Cor.5:9-13, 2 Cor 6:14 ... the altar is busy ... and a visitor confesses her sin to you of having an on going affair with a local SP . She is under heavy conviction but feels she loves him and feels trapped. He spiritually manipulates the situation saying it is a God thing...God is using sex to minister to her through him (married SP). She sees the clear-cut truth in scripture and wants to make things right.
How would you handle this situation? What if she is lying and just being an accuser of the brethern or wants attention? What if it's the truth. How would you approach this personally? Have you encountered a situation like this?
Well, there are at least two sides to every story, but only one truth.
Assuming that it is not true - It is still a very dangerous problem, because whether or not an actual act of adultery has occurred spiritual manipulation is clearly in activity. Because either this woman has been manipulated or she is manipulating you. In any event, I feel that you must prayerfully approach the minister in question with your concerns. Why? Because his name is being spoken of in an evil manner and you have no way of knowing what the motives of this woman are and you do not know if she was planting seeds of deception, distrust and animosity in you, and because if it is true then you having been made aware of it now bear a burden of helping this minister to come to a restored and faithful relationship with God and God's people.
If you are not in a position to approach this minister for whatever reason then at the very least your job is to pray against the manipulative spirit as well as the sexual demon that is attacking his ministry. Because the demon does not require the act, he runs rampant on the thought. Remember that we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. Galatians 6:1-2
Well, as Flow said, either way it's a problem. Here's how I see it:
1) If she's lying, she has an incredibly serious problem and needs deliverance. If this is the case, this man and his wife are under one of the most severe attacks of their ministry and will need prayer support and friends as never before. If this is the case, I would make a point to really befriend them and uphold them as personal friends and supporters.
2) If she's telling the truth, she also has an incredibly serious problem and needs not only deliverance but healing. Counseling will be needed to get her beyond this. I would reach out to this woman and let her know she has a friend, even if you send her to counseling somewhere else. Let her know that your church is a safe haven.
3) If she's telling the truth, the SP and wife in question also have an incredibly serious problem. The man needs to be confronted and he needs to step down. Hopefully he is in a fellowship where there is that accountability and it will happen. I know of a situation right now here in Tampa where this is going on and because the people are not affiliated with any denomination it may just go on forever, until a heaven or hell judgment. It's sad but we all know of a few high profile ministries that have worldwide acclaim and the people are involved in these things with no ramifications right at this moment because they have no accountability. With this situation here in Tampa, they are completely autonomous, answer to no one. And it's a well known fact that something is going on. It's almost laughable because it's so evident yet everyone acts like it's just a big elephant in the room that nobody says anything about or when they do it's just brushed over. Anyway, the man needs to step down at least temporarily and go through a time of restoration and the wife will need an incredible amount of support.
4) If he is confronted, by you or anyone else, most people don't come forward with the truth immediately. He will probably go into damage control mode and deny it at first. The hard thing is - if it's not true and he tells you that - for you to press the issue any further or investigate would only hurt the situation. That would be devastating to him, his wife and church. However if he lies to you and you just believe him, this may go on for quite a while unless the woman is willing to come forward and testify.
A few questions for you - is there an overseer you can go to about this in confidence?
Do you or your dh know this other SP personally, well enough to go and have a talk with him about something like this?
I do agree with Flow on everything she said. I just think there are so many angles of this, it's unreal.
Come to think of it, I know of more than one situation personally that is going on like this right now, and it just makes me sick. One of my pastor friends has suspected another SP of an affair for a while now. They had no absolute proof just a whole lot of "coincidences". Then a few months ago they were about 30 minutes outside of town and lo and behold, there is the SP in question with the woman she suspected him of having the affair with. They are sitting alone in a restaurant having an intimate lunch. My friend walked right over and confronted them and asked what they were doing there. Would you believe he said that she was helping him to investigate a piece of property for the church that he was considering buying? (It's not true, they are in no position to buy property, and it's simply not even on the agenda of that church, however any pastor can say, "God laid it on my heart that I need to investigate property for the future of our church...) So now my friend is just stuck waiting and hoping this comes to light in another way. We have been praying and fasting for a breakthrough. We are praying for exposure, repentance and restoration. We think the man's wife knows something is wrong deep in her heart but doesn't want to ask or is afraid. She's gone down to about 90 pounds and there is no other explanation other than stress. Very sad.
What a huge ball of wax. What a mess. I'll be praying with you about this. I know this is something that when it comes to you, you just cringe and think, "Lord, why have you brought this to MY attention? Am I really the one to handle this?" It's a heavy burden.
What does your dh say? I would not do anything without a few days of fasting combined with prayer on this and I would also go as a team with your dh to deal with it, or have your dh and another man pastor go to the man together.
Thank you for your wisdom and guidance. I will defer to this often. I do not know the person or church name (of the accused). I only know the name of the visitor. As far as I know, it is an independent church that's very small. I could share details that would just shock we pastors....(that this could go on and someone still stand in the pulpit and want this lady to call him pastor or brother all while living a double life). I am amazed at the deception. But I do need to pray and discern what is the actual truth. I will follow your insights as well. She seems sincere and was under heavy conviction from my sermon. It is a clear-cut teaching in the Bible and God's word will not return void.
I know of another who's sp husband did this. She was able to get together a paper trail of hotel receipts, cell phone bills, etc. to prove it. He was held accountable by their denomination and lost his license to preach. However, in this case I am not sure there is denominational structure as such.
Deanna, as far as staying in touch with this mistress, how often would you phone her? Should I let her call me to see if there's mutuality? Would you meet with her or visit her? Would you push the issue if she seems stand- offish? I feel she needs to make a clean break from this SP but he insists they still talk at least. However,I think that if she talks to him about what she & I discuss , he will further confuse her, manipulate scriptures, and "undo" what I am trying to help her see. She feels she still loves him and can't live without him. Should I press her for the name of the minister or the church?
Dh has had so much experience with "con men" that he approaches things with great discernment/caution at first. We ministered years ago to a supposed prostitute who claimed she was with Jimmy S. The whole story was very bizarre and we found out in the end that she has mental issues and lied about many things. I think she needs proof other than her word against this man's. She is new to our church so time will tell how sincere she is. I covet your prayers.
I wouldn't run after her but I would wait for her to call you and if she does, I'd meet with her. You don't want to see like you are on a "witch hunt" -- I would allow her to come to you but if she does, help her and minister to her because you may be the only one who is there for her. Unfortunately in these situations when something like this is true and comes out, people blame the mistress exclusively and think were it not for her the man would not have fallen but it does take two to tango, and if he wasn't with her - he would have more than likely found somebody else if this was in his heart to do. When things are exposed I have seen the church get so angry at the mistress and feel sorry for the man.
In the case of Ted Haggard, I was pleased to see that the church did not blame the man who came forward. They were both guilty but Ted was no less guilty and in fact pursued the man. That is a first for me, however, to see a church respond that way. Normally the church comes out against the mistress or the one the pastor had the relationship with.
If she is telling the truth, she sure will need a friend...
We'll be praying for you as you deal with this and navigate your way through it...
Not to get too far off track here, but Jim Dobson, a friend of Ted's was asked to be a member of a "church restoration team"....The way I understand it, while the preacher loses his pulpit, he is met with weekly, prayed with and for fervently, and other steps are taken to "restore" him and his fellowship, but not necessarily his pulpit. How do you guys feel about this? Anyone ever heard of this sort of thing? Done right , under the right circumstances, I think it sounds like a good thing to do. Lori
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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
Yes, I've heard of this many times. In the A/G, the minister in question would most likely lose the church he currently has, and go through a two year "restoration program" as you describe. Then he can re-apply to continue in ministry after 2 years. I think if the person diligently applies themself and doesn't quit, it's a good thing. I know a few people who have done it but there are far more who will not submit to it and do not want to humble themselves and go through two years of such strict accountability.
I believe this type of restoration is exactly what's needed. The issue is, some are not willing to not only repent, but go through the consequences and the restitution for such a thing. They believe it should just be "oh, sorry about that" and back to their pulpit in two weeks or something equally ridiculous.
. She is under heavy conviction but feels she loves him and feels trapped. He spiritually manipulates the situation saying it is a God thing...God is using sex to minister to her through him (married SP). She sees the clear-cut truth in scripture and wants to make things right.
