Ladies, I need some real advice here....As you know, I was invited to do another Focus on The Family broadcast....the last one was several years ago. I was, shortly there after, UNIVITED when my friend, and long distance mentor, Dr. Dobson was told I had been divorced and remarried. I understand he has to protect his ministry, however, his "investigation" into my divorce yielded information proving my innocence in the matter, and the Biblical steps I took to try and save the man I loved and the relationship. It hurts me a great deal for a long time friend to publically turn against me and punish me for somebody else's sins. (Porn addiction, abuse of the girls and me, adultery) I know I can't let Satan use this to bring our ministries down. What would you do? I can't talk to him, I asked, he will not talk to me about this. You know, I think it sends a very dangerous message to us ladies in ministry....."stay there and be abused if you want to stay in ministry.". Would you let it go? Write a letter? I am hurt pretty deep. He said he would continue to promote my tape from the former broadcast and has no intentions of distancing himself from me....but...that's what he has done! Help! Lori
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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
How do you know someone talked to him? I'm assuming he would know you are divorced from your name change. Being that he is extremely conservative don't you think he would have checked it out just as sort of a standard procedure?
I know it is difficult but I think this is probably pretty standard for FOCUS as they are an extremely conservative organization and probably don't want to receive questions about it as Dr. Dobson is in the news a lot especially these days with the election going on and all that stuff. I know you were really excited about going and...it's a real disappointment but I think to press him and keep contacting him is not going to bring him any closer. I know it's hard not to take it personally.
I'm sure there are a lot of other organizations that will want you to come and speak or be interviewed with your story. If it were me personally I would focus on those and put my whole heart into that, as...if the story gets big enough and Dr. Dobson hears it, maybe he will reconsider, seeing as all these other people are interviewing you.
Thanks Deanna, I have had plenty of other requests for interviews and for speaking....I am letting God make the most of them...for now, that's all I really can do. I know someone inside Focus who said this was Jim's decision, and it was final. I only considered writing to let him know my feelings on the matter....and to tell him that I think it sends women in ministry a bad message. But I hope he and I will still be friends when this is all over. It really stung at first because it was as if he was saying that I am not worthy to fellowship with him...that may not be the case, but that is how I felt. My friend inside Focus said there needs to be a book written about Christain women and domestic violence and the often bad messages sent to us from our "leaders" about how to deal? I think she is right. Lori
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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
So are you saying he made this decision completely on his own? Or did somebody call him up (your ex?) and try to discredit you? I am confused about why he invited you then suddenly uninvited you...
A junior producer, whose job it was to set up travel, etc. for me said that "they" noticed I had a new last name....she said she needed to know why. I told her and she called and asked for a ministry contact, someone who was in my inner circle and knew of the details of what actually happened....I gave them a name and even after they spoke with her, Jim said "no" and had his senior producer call me and tell me the interview was off because of "the question" over my name change. He does not want to appear soft on divorce, I guess. Actually, Rob tried to say..."We've decided to go another way....". I told him to PLEASE give me some credit, and I made him tell me the truth. He said Jim did not want to deal with "the question", and so he feels I'm not fit to be a guest at this time. Is it ok for me to feel vindicated though? Because, yesterday, when I was supposed to be at Focus in front of that mic, after several days of nobody calling......MY PHONE RANG OFF THE HOOK ALL DAY FOR REQUESTS OF INTERVIEWS AND PERSONAL APPERANCES! This had to be a "God thing".....Love, Lori
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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
I would just move on and take your new phone calls with joy.
The thing is - Focus is a ministry that largely focuses on marriage. He probably wants to stay away from the divorce issue completely no matter what reason. I'd try to not take it personally but move totally within the "pro-life circles".
Hi Lori, I'm a little grandma from out west. Mr. Dobson would never ask me to be on his broadcast because I'm a total unknown! I can't imagine being asked and then rejected as a guest for his progam!
This I know: I understand your divorce absolutely. I was physically, emotionally and verbally abused for 30 years. Pornography was also an issue. This pentecostal preacher filed for a divorce and spent several years "outside the camp."
Today, though I can't hold credentials in my church of choice, I am allowed to minister in it. Plus, I minister at kitchen tables, RV parks, and churches throughout the west and Pacific northwest.
I'm telling you all of this to let you know that women in ministry need to hear your story and need to hear that we aren't silenced when we go through divorce.
Dell PS: Yea, I've remarried, too. My husband is a man of God, who honors and respects me. PSS: I've been told that God hates divorce. I do too! My heart breaks when I see people struggling in difficult marriages. I once told a counselor that divorce is one of the ugliest words in the English language, but sometimes it is the only word that fits the sentence.
Dell, Unlike you, so many do not understand the scope of the abuse, nor the fact that we aren't relieved really, we grieve as if our DH has died. I know it's very true for me. I kept the wedding pictures. There is a small part of me that still loves that man I married, in my opinion, he died when he began to use pornagraphy....he was never the same after that. i grieve his spiritual death in a way nobody knows, except my Father. Thanks, Lori
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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
